It’s crazy that even before our birth, we are given a divine source of worth and purpose from the life, love, and sacrifice of Jesus. It’s even crazier that we tend to spend most of our time trying to find worth and purpose everywhere else.
“What can I contribute? How can I save the day?” These questions are just two of many that illustrate how misguided motivations are often the root behind appealingly good actions. If you were to look at my Instagram, you’d see many “good actions” that took place under the name “mission trip.” There was a building project in Belize, a health clinic in Brazil, a youth center in England, a sports camp in East Asia, and more. These are all great things, but the pride behind the Instagram posts pointed to an insecure American acting hurriedly and brashly in the name of God, rather than as a simple arrow pointing back to the water of life that is the steadfast and humble presence of Jesus.
A Fire to Purify, Not to Burn
I unknowingly carried this pride with me into my time with TEAM like a fire. What I didn’t know was that this fire was about to be guided for the first time, to purify, not to burn. I took part in a 2019 short-term missions program called the “Launch Intensive,” a cultural immersion in North Africa to learn about Arabic culture. The rest of the team was comprised of TEAM staff, long-term missionaries, individuals planning to be overseas long-term, and myself. Our trip entailed a two-week stay with an Arabic-speaking family and attending classes on Arabic language and cultural learning. Outside of class, I was seeing what this information looked like in somebody’s life. I was also learning several things about myself.
First, I love to “do it all.” Sometimes I feel that if I see all the places or experience all the things, then my life will be worthwhile. The Launch Intensive included excursions to ancient ruins and a coastal town, but I wanted more. Then, one of the long-term global workers (missionaries), asked a key question: “What if you just walked and prayed every afternoon after class?” Perhaps my purpose was not to be found in the next adventure, but through slowing my rhythm and seeing what God is doing right here, right now.
Pride Can Be a Disease
I also love to “stand out.” Sometimes I feel that fighting against the grain or making a unique choice can give me a sense of identity. In the quiet moments between programming, I began to feel insecure about my role on the trip. This led me to start dancing to Electric Light Orchestra songs as I walked, climbing up the walls of forts, or just being obnoxious.
One of the assigned readings for the trip revealed other possible implications of my actions: What if I drew attention to myself or others and got us kicked out of the country? What if my actions led to the arrest of believers I was getting to know and discipling? What if my actions damaged the relationship between me and the locals? What if my actions damaged future relationships with Americans, or worse, with followers of Jesus? Pride (and sin in general) can be a disease, and I needed to take a look at my motivations before it spread.
Short-term missions experiences allow us to observe and experience another culture, realizing that we are only a small part of God’s plans and purposes for His global Church.
Called to Learn and Listen
Another thing I learned about myself is that I love to “feel impactful.” Sometimes tangible takeaways make me feel like what I have done was worthwhile, and that I am of value. At the school where we were studying, I met a few North African students and began to get to know them. There was a part of me that thought, “Maybe I’ll get to write back to my donors that X amount of people came to Christ, and they’ll feel confident that their giving was put to good use. Maybe if someone here starts a revival, I’ll know that my time was worthwhile.”
Then one night, a TEAM staff member (who was also my roommate), reminded me of our class teachings: “Austin, remember what we’ve been learning? We are called to learn and listen. This will lead us to understand. Once we understand, then we can love. Once we love, then we can serve.”
I didn’t heed this wisdom immediately. We had two weeks, and I wanted to maximize it. Because the truth is, (as hard as it was for me to realize) God’s involvement in North Africa is so much bigger than my two-week immersion. God’s involvement in the world is so much bigger than me. Period. This is not to say we shouldn’t show up or try. God wishes to use us in His plans! But we can be released from the self-imposed yoke of needing to prove something and replace it with the deep understanding that we are already loved more than we can imagine, and God has already won the battles we were planning on taking on ourselves.
Come Witness
God continued to help me understand this concept back home as well. When I joined my church in Nashville I was blown away by the worship. Being a musician myself, I walked up to the music minister, Will, and asked how I could learn to worship like that. He looked at me and simply said, “Come witness.” The next week I showed up to worship practice and watched how the team interacted and worshipped. After another week, they handed me a guitar. There wasn’t any specific guidance; they just worshiped, and I witnessed. As I played with them more and more, I began to see how I fit into the songs. I took critique when it was given, and when encouragement came, I was able to give it to God because I knew what was happening was not of my own accord.
I think that this is the same invitation God was giving me in North Africa and continues to give in all the places He calls us: Come witness. In the quiet rhythms of grace, we begin to see the ways we are being called into His work, leaving all pride and fear at the door, because the words “it’s not about you,” bring immense freedom.
Since my time with Launch Intensive, I went through TEAM Ambassador training where I could continue to learn from others that have gone before me. I even got to visit one of the long-term missionaries in Europe whom I learned to walk and pray with. TEAM continues to be a blessing in my life through these relationships and the lessons I am learning. Truly, every moment of missions and ministry is a call back to Jesus at the well, saying, “Set down your false nourishment, and come drink what I have prepared.”
