What It’s Like to Be a Single Missionary

Bethany DuVal • Feb 28, 2017

She’s known as the MacGyver of missionaries. She spent 15 years traveling with nomadic cattle-herders, single-handedly wired her desert home with solar panels and still has her water delivered by donkeys.

But Tillie Tiller’s adventurous life in Chad slammed into a wall when she turned 39.

That’s when she realized she wasn’t getting married.

“In so many missionary biographies, in the middle of nowhere, a single guy shows up, and it is a perfect pairing. … Up until age 38, I thought it was going to happen,” Tillie says. “At age 39, I was pretty sure it wouldn’t happen, so then I started to spiral out of control. I didn’t even realize what was going on.”

As Tillie’s sending agency, TEAM called her off the field. She would spend the next year in counseling, figuring out who she was without the possibility of a spouse and children.

For many prospective missionaries, Tillie’s breakdown is their worst nightmare.

Singleness is the fourth most common reason appointees don’t make it to the mission field or take a long time getting there , according to a Pioneers International report. And truthfully, fears of loneliness, feeling out of place or saying goodbye to the possibility of marriage aren’t entirely unfounded.

Even when she was raising support to serve in France , TEAM missionary Jenn Hylton thought, This would be so much easier if I weren’t alone, if I just had someone to help me .

But despite the challenges, some estimate that single people make up a third of the U.S. missions force.

So how do single missionaries make it work? It begins with recognizing the benefits.

Open Houses and Divine Surprises

Ask any missionary about the advantages of being single on the field, and they’ll talk about flexibility.

“I can do so much more spontaneous ministry,” says Taylor Nesse, who works with college students in Italy. “[If] someone texts me, nine times out of 10, I’ll be able to show up. I love that.”

Without a family to worry about infringing on, Taylor feels free to open his home , hosting large group meals throughout each semester. On the flipside, flying solo makes people feel more comfortable inviting you to their own homes, according to 35-year missionary Nancy Sturrock.

In South Asia, she says, “They have these small, little houses, and they’re not sure if they have enough food, and they don’t really know what to do for a foreigner. But one person, they can manage.”

Zach Harrod has been married nearly three years, but he’s still reaping benefits from nine years of single service in the Czech Republic.

“As a single, it was just like, heck, let’s get after it. … I grew, God helped me get the language, helped me get a ton of relationships with it. I’m still kind of riding the wave of that,” Zach says.

But sometimes, the greatest benefit to singleness is seeing God work in unexpected ways.

Lorraine Green went to Chad at 27 years old to do youth ministry, but she quickly saw that it wasn’t for her.

Instead, she ended up working with the local Bible school, teaching women how to be good pastors’ wives.

The irony wasn’t lost on Lorraine. But when she shared her concerns with a local pastor he said, “Don’t talk like that. You teach God’s Word. You teach the principles of God’s Word, and the rest will work out.”

So she did — for 30 years. All the while, not a single student ever doubted her qualifications. God’s Word was enough.

‘I Thought It Was Forever’

Naturally, those highs don’t cancel out the challenges of singleness.

For Tillie, getting back on the field meant admitting that she still felt a loss in not having a partner to share that life with.

“When I left for the field, I was completely content, so I thought it was forever,” Tillie says. “ But every so often, the intense, deep yearning to be married would come again. It would pass, and, again, I thought it was over for good. I wish I had realized that it would roll around again and to be prepared to deal with it.

Well-meaning, fellow Christians don’t always make that preparation easy.

Furloughs are sprinkled with people who want to know if you’ve “found anyone yet.” And long-married teammates may struggle to understand adult life without a spouse or children.

It can be isolating sometimes , but I have to focus on Jesus and not circumstances,” Jenn says.

In those moments, God becomes a greater source of comfort as the only one who knows each person fully — single or not — and as someone who lived single missionary life Himself.

Recalling Christ’s determination in Isaiah 50:7, Lorraine says, “Jesus set His face like a flint to fulfill His calling, and I will do the same. … Bless His heart, He showed us how to be single.

Finding Support in Unexpected Places

One of the hallmarks of Jesus’ life was the community He built for Himself — not only with the 12 disciples but also with His dear friends Mary, Martha and Lazarus.

On the field, finding deep fellowship often means getting creative.

After several rounds of people coming and going, Nancy grew hesitant to keep building doomed friendships, but she still needed confidants who knew her well. So, she decided to keep building relationships in Thailand but let her deeper friendships be ones she maintained over the internet.

In addition to befriending teammates, missionaries warn not to overlook nationals as friends who are less likely to move and will gladly pull you into their culture.

During language school, Zach says, “While I had a great flat that I lived in, I wouldn’t study there. I’d study at cafés, where I knew people were that I could meet or my friends were, … and it’s really paid off.”

Some missionaries find families who will let them take part in day-to-day life. Others find fellow expatriates they can visit over a weekend, or they see who’s serving locally with other agencies.

Taylor says it’s easy to think your closest relationships will be found on your team, but he encourages new missionaries to hold out for people they naturally trust and confide in.

Find your people; don’t assume who your people are, ” he says.

Sometimes that will mean finding people in the same life stage. Other times, it means building relationships where both parties can offer unique perspectives.

“Often [married] friends will remind me of a blessing in my life that might become easy to overlook, and I thank God for that reminder,” Jenn says. “Another perfect example of why we need the Body of Christ!”

Is Marriage Your Idol?

Ultimately, success as a missionary — single or married — comes down to trusting God and being willing to follow Him wherever He leads.

All I know is that God’s called me to be single today — and probably tomorrow. I don’t think I’m having a wedding before tomorrow,” Nancy says with a laugh. “… So I need to be single with my whole heart and go about what He’s given me to do today.”

Zach encourages young men to put their hearts under a microscope and carefully consider if God is truly calling them to stay home in pursuit of marriage or if a domestic ideal has become an idol.

Ironically, he says, staying home in the hopes of getting married would have kept him from meeting his wife, a Czech woman he met on the field. Their first child was born in 2017.

Our lives are just so much more interesting, so much more colorful, so many different hues, just because … I decided I’m just gonna go, and God’s gonna take care of me, ” Zach says. “It might not be how everyone else’s life looks, but that’s OK.”

Twenty years after her year of counseling in the States, Tillie believes the same thing about her continued life as a single missionary in Chad.

“In hindsight, I can honestly say that I love my life,” she says. “I don’t regret any of it.”

By Suzanne Pearson 19 Mar, 2024
Previously on the TEAM blog, we sat down with Justin Burkholder (pictured above at left, with TEAM's Executive Director of Communications, Aaron Catlin). Justin will become TEAM’s next International Director on July 1, 2024. Justin shared about his background, family, and the journey that led him to TEAM. Check out that interview here . Today, we pick up the conversation as Justin shares how God called him to the role of International Director, and what he sees for the next chapter in TEAM’s work in the global Church. Q: How and when did you first consider applying for the position of International Director? How did the Lord reveal Himself to you as this opportunity presented itself? A: For some time, I have been evaluating how God wants me to use the gifts He has given me. Jenny and I have had a fruitful ministry in church planting in Guatemala and would happily continue doing so as God leads. However, as God blessed my efforts in TEAM leadership, there were friends and family who expressed that I should consider using my gifts in the International Director role. I don’t believe that everything necessarily rises and falls on leadership, but I do believe that it is a core component in the body of Christ. Using the gifts God has given me is a way that I want to bless the body of Christ in TEAM, making my contribution to the global purposes of God’s mission. Jenny and I spent a lot of time praying about this and decided that I should put my name in for consideration, trusting God’s guidance. We had a tremendous amount of peace throughout the entire process and were blessed by the prayer-filled process that the board undertook. Q: This is a key role in a large and complex organization, and I’m sure this was a big decision for you and your family. What were your fears or concerns? Why did you ultimately decide to accept the position? A: You say “were” like the fears have passed! I still am quite aware of my youth and inexperience - of the responsibility and weight of this role. Mostly, I’m afraid of leading an organization like TEAM in the flesh. Many of the fears that I have faced have been fears rooted in fleshly desires and concerns. I have no desire to succeed in the world’s eyes and fail in the Kingdom of Jesus. Why did I ultimately decide to accept the position? I’m convinced that the Good News about Jesus is true. The tomb is empty, Jesus is King, and the world needs to know, because Jesus is coming back. He will put things in order. He will establish righteousness, peace, and justice for all mankind, and He has commissioned His Church to proclaim and demonstrate His rule and reign. I want to use my gifts to do whatever I can to amplify the proclamation of this message and the multiplication of His Church around the world. Q: What are your goals and vision for the future of TEAM? A: This is something that I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about. I’m certainly not ready to present a fully-shaped vision and goals for TEAM’s future without the input of other people in different contexts in TEAM. But, I will share a few things that I think are important: First, we need to model God-Dependence . I am hopeful that as leaders in TEAM, we can continue to model God-Dependence. As Hudson Taylor said years ago “…God’s work, done in God’s way, will never lack God’s supplies.” I am hopeful that we can increase our sense of faith in God, prayer, and seeking direction from the Spirit. Secondly, we must strengthen our relational fabric . Due to the changes that we have experienced by decentralizing our home office functions, and the challenges from the pandemic, we have experienced a loss of relationships. It is imperative that we intentionally prioritize the building of relationships with one another. I plan to visit our workers and staff, and I am expectant that other key leaders and staff will be doing the same. Third, we must pursue the greater presence of the global Church. The Kingdom of Jesus Christ doesn’t look like any single geopolitical, ethnic, or racial culture. If we want to truly see the Kingdom of Jesus come on earth as it is in heaven, then we as citizens of this Kingdom must learn from one another, submit to one another, and grow with one another. The missional potential of the global Church has been unleashed by God’s Spirit since Acts 1, and we have an opportunity to learn from many brothers and sisters in Christ who can help us to better model and proclaim the Kingdom of Jesus to those who have yet to believe. Lastly, we must increase our Gospel boldness . There are still many places of great spiritual blindness and spiritual brokenness around the world. The apostolic impulse of cross-cultural organizations should call us to the to the edges of where the Kingdom of Jesus is not penetrating. Whether spiritual blindness and brokenness exists because of lack of access, idolatry, injustice, or any other myriad of reasons, I prayerfully hope to see more and more TEAM workers continue to move into spaces of great Gospel need.
By Suzanne Pearson 08 Mar, 2024
Through God-ordained partnerships and creative connections, TEAM worker Keith Moore sees the global Church advancing in amazing ways. In the global missions landscape, a phrase that comes up often is “from everywhere, to everywhere.” God is calling His global Church in literal new directions, as He raises up cross-cultural workers to be sent from places that were once on the receiving end of missions work. We call this movement “polycentric sending.” TEAM workers Dawn and Keith Moore have seen first-hand this transition taking place. Their story involves the unlikely but beautiful intersection of Charlotte, North Carolina; Tegucigalpa, Honduras; and Memphis, Tennessee...and beyond. The Path to Honduras Keith and Dawn joined TEAM in 1991 and served as church planters for nine years in Bogota, Colombia. After safety concerns precipitated their return to the States in 1999, they knew they wanted to continue serving in Latin America. The Moores felt called to Honduras but wanted to connect with a strong missional church to help send them. The Lord orchestrated a collaboration with Bellevue Baptist Church in Memphis, Tennessee. “Some people asked, ‘Why Honduras? Missionaries have been there for 100 years. It’s already reached,’” Keith says. “But there’s a whole section of Latin America that had not been reached - the upper crust.” Keith goes on to explain that he and Dawn felt called to reach college-educated professionals in Honduras – a ministry vision that resonated with the missional goals of Bellevue Baptist. Impact and Growth With the support of this new church partnership as well as another sending church in Birmingham, Alabama, the Moores embarked on their next adventure. Keith and Dawn started Impacto Honduras Church from scratch, and in less than 20 years, the church grew into four locations with 1600 total members. The Moores and other TEAM workers also created a “Bible school” type training program to help professionals who feel a call to ministry to make that transition. Throughout this period of explosive growth, church partnerships played an integral role. “It’s such a different vision when you have a church that says, ‘OK, this is our deal, we want to make this happen,’” Keith explains. “They helped us with everything. They took away every single obstacle to growth. Every time we needed something, they were there.” In 2017, the Moores once again found themselves on the verge of another decision. Was it time to leave Honduras? “I had no desire to leave,” Keith recalls. “People were coming to Christ every week! It was just so amazing.” However, back in the U.S., Keith and Dawn’s parents were in their 80s and would soon be in need of more care. “We realized that either we would leave in a crisis, or we would leave strategically,” says Keith. The couple began to implement a careful succession plan. By the time they left, the four churches were established with strong, Honduran leadership ready to carry on the work of the Gospel.
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