How to Honor Your Parents When You’re Called to Missions

Debbie Stephens • Jul 14, 2016

I was sitting in a living room with a young man, his parents and another mentoring couple, when I realized the parent-child dynamic is strong and complex, even in adulthood. This young man was feeling called to serve cross-culturally, and there were tears, confusion, and confessions.

How do you follow God in your calling and honor your parents, even if they are not on board?

As a missions mobilizer , I was curious and anxious as I thought about the strong emotional pull for potential missionaries to be both true to God and respectful and loving to their parents. I set out to discover what both sides are feeling during that initial conversation on the subject.

I created two web-based surveys. One for missionaries and the other for parents of missionaries . The responses came from all age groups, including people who were single, married with no children and married with children.

Surprisingly, nearly 40 percent of those who responded to the survey felt called to missions between the ages of 10 and 13. Over 50 percent of the parents of missionaries who responded also said their child was called between these ages.

When missionaries reflected on the emotions they perceived in their parents during their first conversation, equal numbers reported feelings of pride and of fear. Other responses were sadness, criticism, denial, discouragement, and anger. One respondent said, “[My parents] expressed pride outwardly towards others, but had difficulty in the intimate conversations behind closed doors.”

These are strong emotions. They are further complicated if the parents of the missionaries are not Christians, which requires different guidance than what is offered below. But if both parties are seeking God, you are more likely to navigate these challenging and complex feelings well. So, here are four ways missionaries and their parents can honor each other as they pursue God’s calling.

Affirm Each Other

Missionaries, respect your parents’ feelings and help them through the process. They will grieve the loss of sharing everyday life with you. That multiplies if grandchildren are involved.

They may react in negative ways with words or actions that hurt. Ask God to give you the grace to “set an example … in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity” ( 1 Timothy 4:12, NIV ). Affirming what they are feeling will display your maturity, both emotional and spiritual, and allow God to work in their hearts.

Parents, affirm your child (no matter the age)! Give them the love and support you have spent your life pouring into them and surrender them to God. They need to know that you believe in them. Give them the room to respond completely to God.

Communicate

Missionaries, pick an appropriate time to discuss your calling with your parents. Don’t drop the bomb at a family dinner or in a large group of people.

In some ways, it is easier to be the sent one than the one sending. The ‘sent one’ is living out the missionary calling that God has given them. Your parent will be living out the calling they have been handed, not necessarily one they asked for.

Your parents may also react differently from each other. Loving, respectful communication will be the key to blessing and acceptance. “The unfolding of Your words gives light; It gives understanding to the simple” ( Psalm 119:130, NIV ).

Parents, listen to your children and pray before speaking, as Nehemiah did. “The king said to me, ‘What is it you want?’ Then I prayed to the God of heaven, and I answered the king” ( Nehemiah 2:4-5, NIV ). Nehemiah wanted to respond to the king appropriately, so he prayed that God would give him the right words. Ask the Lord to do the same for you. Then, tell your children you would like to have time to process, and set up another time to talk about it again in the near future.

Pray

Pray individually. Pray for each other. Pray together. The enemy would love nothing more than to see this calling destroy relationships. Instead of taking initial responses personally, take some time to pray, and then come back and talk some more.

Work Together

Missionaries, allow your parents to be involved in your going process and the new life you will be living. Discover information together on where you are going, the people group you will be serving and introduce them to others who will be joining you or who live in-country.

Parents, help your missionaries prepare by helping with support letters and fundraisers, watching the kids and packing when it is time to go. Work through feelings of sadness by advocating for your missionary and participating in their call to share the gospel to the nations. Love your kids enough to help them fulfill this calling, even if it doesn’t match the dream you envisioned for them.

Ultimately, it’s possible for both missionaries and their parents to honor each other in this process, even if they don’t reach full agreement. Speak the truth in love , and realize that this is part of the discipleship process for you both.

By Suzanne Pearson 19 Mar, 2024
Previously on the TEAM blog, we sat down with Justin Burkholder (pictured above at left, with TEAM's Executive Director of Communications, Aaron Catlin). Justin will become TEAM’s next International Director on July 1, 2024. Justin shared about his background, family, and the journey that led him to TEAM. Check out that interview here . Today, we pick up the conversation as Justin shares how God called him to the role of International Director, and what he sees for the next chapter in TEAM’s work in the global Church. Q: How and when did you first consider applying for the position of International Director? How did the Lord reveal Himself to you as this opportunity presented itself? A: For some time, I have been evaluating how God wants me to use the gifts He has given me. Jenny and I have had a fruitful ministry in church planting in Guatemala and would happily continue doing so as God leads. However, as God blessed my efforts in TEAM leadership, there were friends and family who expressed that I should consider using my gifts in the International Director role. I don’t believe that everything necessarily rises and falls on leadership, but I do believe that it is a core component in the body of Christ. Using the gifts God has given me is a way that I want to bless the body of Christ in TEAM, making my contribution to the global purposes of God’s mission. Jenny and I spent a lot of time praying about this and decided that I should put my name in for consideration, trusting God’s guidance. We had a tremendous amount of peace throughout the entire process and were blessed by the prayer-filled process that the board undertook. Q: This is a key role in a large and complex organization, and I’m sure this was a big decision for you and your family. What were your fears or concerns? Why did you ultimately decide to accept the position? A: You say “were” like the fears have passed! I still am quite aware of my youth and inexperience - of the responsibility and weight of this role. Mostly, I’m afraid of leading an organization like TEAM in the flesh. Many of the fears that I have faced have been fears rooted in fleshly desires and concerns. I have no desire to succeed in the world’s eyes and fail in the Kingdom of Jesus. Why did I ultimately decide to accept the position? I’m convinced that the Good News about Jesus is true. The tomb is empty, Jesus is King, and the world needs to know, because Jesus is coming back. He will put things in order. He will establish righteousness, peace, and justice for all mankind, and He has commissioned His Church to proclaim and demonstrate His rule and reign. I want to use my gifts to do whatever I can to amplify the proclamation of this message and the multiplication of His Church around the world. Q: What are your goals and vision for the future of TEAM? A: This is something that I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about. I’m certainly not ready to present a fully-shaped vision and goals for TEAM’s future without the input of other people in different contexts in TEAM. But, I will share a few things that I think are important: First, we need to model God-Dependence . I am hopeful that as leaders in TEAM, we can continue to model God-Dependence. As Hudson Taylor said years ago “…God’s work, done in God’s way, will never lack God’s supplies.” I am hopeful that we can increase our sense of faith in God, prayer, and seeking direction from the Spirit. Secondly, we must strengthen our relational fabric . Due to the changes that we have experienced by decentralizing our home office functions, and the challenges from the pandemic, we have experienced a loss of relationships. It is imperative that we intentionally prioritize the building of relationships with one another. I plan to visit our workers and staff, and I am expectant that other key leaders and staff will be doing the same. Third, we must pursue the greater presence of the global Church. The Kingdom of Jesus Christ doesn’t look like any single geopolitical, ethnic, or racial culture. If we want to truly see the Kingdom of Jesus come on earth as it is in heaven, then we as citizens of this Kingdom must learn from one another, submit to one another, and grow with one another. The missional potential of the global Church has been unleashed by God’s Spirit since Acts 1, and we have an opportunity to learn from many brothers and sisters in Christ who can help us to better model and proclaim the Kingdom of Jesus to those who have yet to believe. Lastly, we must increase our Gospel boldness . There are still many places of great spiritual blindness and spiritual brokenness around the world. The apostolic impulse of cross-cultural organizations should call us to the to the edges of where the Kingdom of Jesus is not penetrating. Whether spiritual blindness and brokenness exists because of lack of access, idolatry, injustice, or any other myriad of reasons, I prayerfully hope to see more and more TEAM workers continue to move into spaces of great Gospel need.
By Suzanne Pearson 08 Mar, 2024
Through God-ordained partnerships and creative connections, TEAM worker Keith Moore sees the global Church advancing in amazing ways. In the global missions landscape, a phrase that comes up often is “from everywhere, to everywhere.” God is calling His global Church in literal new directions, as He raises up cross-cultural workers to be sent from places that were once on the receiving end of missions work. We call this movement “polycentric sending.” TEAM workers Dawn and Keith Moore have seen first-hand this transition taking place. Their story involves the unlikely but beautiful intersection of Charlotte, North Carolina; Tegucigalpa, Honduras; and Memphis, Tennessee...and beyond. The Path to Honduras Keith and Dawn joined TEAM in 1991 and served as church planters for nine years in Bogota, Colombia. After safety concerns precipitated their return to the States in 1999, they knew they wanted to continue serving in Latin America. The Moores felt called to Honduras but wanted to connect with a strong missional church to help send them. The Lord orchestrated a collaboration with Bellevue Baptist Church in Memphis, Tennessee. “Some people asked, ‘Why Honduras? Missionaries have been there for 100 years. It’s already reached,’” Keith says. “But there’s a whole section of Latin America that had not been reached - the upper crust.” Keith goes on to explain that he and Dawn felt called to reach college-educated professionals in Honduras – a ministry vision that resonated with the missional goals of Bellevue Baptist. Impact and Growth With the support of this new church partnership as well as another sending church in Birmingham, Alabama, the Moores embarked on their next adventure. Keith and Dawn started Impacto Honduras Church from scratch, and in less than 20 years, the church grew into four locations with 1600 total members. The Moores and other TEAM workers also created a “Bible school” type training program to help professionals who feel a call to ministry to make that transition. Throughout this period of explosive growth, church partnerships played an integral role. “It’s such a different vision when you have a church that says, ‘OK, this is our deal, we want to make this happen,’” Keith explains. “They helped us with everything. They took away every single obstacle to growth. Every time we needed something, they were there.” In 2017, the Moores once again found themselves on the verge of another decision. Was it time to leave Honduras? “I had no desire to leave,” Keith recalls. “People were coming to Christ every week! It was just so amazing.” However, back in the U.S., Keith and Dawn’s parents were in their 80s and would soon be in need of more care. “We realized that either we would leave in a crisis, or we would leave strategically,” says Keith. The couple began to implement a careful succession plan. By the time they left, the four churches were established with strong, Honduran leadership ready to carry on the work of the Gospel.
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