What It’s Like to Raise My Young Kids Overseas

Beth Barthelemy • Mar 21, 2017

I have three kids, all 4 and under. And six months ago, we moved across the globe.

To be honest, some of the thoughts I’ve had are:

Am I crazy?

Am I irresponsible?

Definitely not, I’m so equipped to not only raise my own kids but also to write a fantastic blog post about how I do it so well!

I’m sure there are many others who’ve been overseas longer, who have golden nuggets of wisdom on parenting overseas.

But all this aside, here are some reflections from a fresh-on-the-field, young mama of three on what it’s like to raise my little ones overseas.

They have losses too.

Even though they are young, I’m learning to recognize the losses and sacrifices my daughters made when we moved to South Africa.

Before we left, many people told us how wonderful it was that we were moving overseas when our kids were so little. And truly, they are right.

For months ahead of time, we talked with our kids, especially our oldest daughter, about how we would be leaving this home, giving away most of our things, packing up the rest and moving to South Africa.

She was not that affected then, when we did all of those things.

It was not emotional for her to pull away from our home after handing the keys over to our landlady. It was not sad for her to say goodbye to her grandparents because her concept of time is fluid. She was actually excited the first night we slept in South Africa and asked, “But Mom, where are the lions?”

So when our veteran TEAM co-worker asked my daughter about home, and she said, “ I miss our castle park, ” it was tempting to brush it off.

Wow, that’s what she misses? Of all the losses, that’s what she names?

But for my daughter, this is a great loss. That old park we visited with her since she was 4 months old, that she saw torn down and built back up, that is what she misses.

It’s not the “castle park,” but we are making new memories at a playground in South Africa.

To sit with her, let her name her losses, to feel that loss with her, is a simple and important step. The longer we are here, the more she is realizing what she misses. Her list is growing.

And in this process, I hope this first step, this first stint overseas, this first set of goodbyes, this first naming of losses, will somehow help as she inevitably faces many, many more.

We are their security.

Everything from language to culture to scenery has changed for my girls. The one thing they can count on is that their parents have not.

We jumped into an intensive language class exactly 19 days after stepping off the plane and just four days after moving into our new home. So it is probably not surprising when I say leaving our kids with a local babysitter didn’t go well.

There are many reasons for this, but after several very difficult days of leaving all three kids bawling at the door, I learned that while everything around them has changed, we have not.

While all that was familiar to them is now new, we are not . While all those little, seemingly insignificant, circumstantial and tangible things that gave them a sense of settledness are gone, we are here. And we are their security .

After several weeks of trying to leave our kids with a babysitter so we could maximize our language study time, I felt the Lord nudging me to let this ideal go and stay home.

This has meant some level of sacrifice. I do not get to study language as many hours each week as we had hoped. There isn’t as much of a break each week as I would prefer.

But I am thankful that the Lord made this lesson clear to me, because our kids are doing well in their new environment, and I think much of this has to do with their sense of settledness.

Prioritize them.

No matter where I live, my first ministry will be to teach my children to love God.

In a related manner, we are actively being tested to uphold a value we determined long before we moved overseas: Our family is our priority .

While we firmly believe that God comes first in each of our own lives, we don’t equate our love for God with our ministry work.

We see God’s gracious gift in each of our daughters, and understand the magnitude of the responsibility of raising them “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” ( Eph. 6:4 ). We see that He has given them to us, that there is much good work to do as parents, and we want to honor this calling placed upon our lives.

We also are passionate about the ministry God has sent us to be a part of and desire to work well for His glory. But to learn the language, disciple a national believer, teach a class and work with orphans to the neglect of these little ones God has given us would be a tragedy .

So, particularly while they are little, we are seeking to order our lives in a way that prioritizes their needs.

Pour on the love.

As we transition to a new life on the mission field together, the best thing we can do is keep loving each other.

Quite honestly, this has become our mantra through seasons of parenting, not just as we have transitioned our family overseas.

After hearing from a veteran and wise mother about the concept of “saturation love,” the Lord has reminded me at key moments in our parenting lives that perhaps the best thing to do for our kids is to pour on the love .

Scripture is full of references to God’s love as a place of safety, a place of security. Just as we are secure in our salvation through Christ because of God’s great love, so too will our children find earthly security as we love them – and keep loving .

Kids are bound to encounter a plethora of issues as they experience a huge transition –– some old and persistent, others fresh and new. We may be tempted to meet those issues with the same level of stringency as we would have before.

But I think of all the grace God has extended to us in our complicated, messy process of transitioning to a new culture on a new continent. And I want to extend this same grace to my kids , realizing they are experiencing much of the same things I am, with far fewer tools in their toolbox for handling it.

So we pour on the love. Pour on the love again. And keep pouring on the love.

After all, if our model is God’s love, how can we possibly give our children too much.

< Older Post

Newer Post >

Bridging Dissonance: Finding Connection in Music and the Gospel

By Emily Sheddan • 18 Jul, 2024

TEAM worker Luke Standridge and his fellow musicians use music to build connections to faith in Japan. In music terms, dissonance creates movement or even suspense in a song. It invites tension. That tension is what helps grab our ear’s attention and the interchanging of these notes with pleasant melodious parts is what makes music such a delight. In a similar way, God is using music to grab people’s attention and catalyze Gospel impact in the largely unreached nation of Japan. TEAM Global Worker, Luke Standridge moved to Japan in 2019 with no clear direction on how he was going to use his passion for composing music while doing ministry. However, after Luke got involved with a local church and began developing deep friendships, the Lord opened unimaginable doors for Luke that in time, coordinating his creative skills with sharing the Word. “People Need to Come to Japan!” Growing up as one of ten kids in a family that was heavily involved in ministry and missions, Luke never considered that it would one day be a part of his own journey. In 2016, via a Japanese language learning class in Indiana, Luke and his brother had the opportunity to travel to Japan. Hearing, learning, and using the language in the context of Japanese culture was the goal. While it was Luke’s first international trip – even his first trip on a plane - it was also his first time hearing about the spiritual condition of the Japanese people. “And just through that, God did a huge 180 change on my heart,” says Luke. “More people should come here as global workers. People need to come to Japan!” The call God was laying on Luke’s heart is echoed when looking at the spiritual landscape of Japan. The nation is home to the second largest unreached people group in the world. It is one of the most difficult places for the Gospel to take hold and grow. Japan is also home to a deep and rich culture that prizes creative arts from pottery to ink to music to anime – a fact that would help Luke find his niche in life and ministry. God’s Guiding Hand In the short three-month timespan of that first trip, Luke found that opportunities came naturally to share about life, and people’s curiosity for Christianity grew. “I left Japan knowing I just had to come back,” Luke shares. “Even if I didn’t get back to the same area, I knew Japan was where God wanted me to be.” The Lord is good all the time and all the time the Lord is good. His plans do not fail. Luke returned to Japan in 2019, and less than a week after arriving, he was put in touch with a renowned composer in Japan. The composer saw some of Luke’s music and invited him to help write the music for a beloved in-country animated show. But God wasn’t finished yet! Fast forward a year, and more connections and opportunities allowed Luke to help with music for Pokémon - a franchise that has brand recognition around the world and was being developed into a TV series in Japan. Luke recalls how the Lord began using these connections in the production world to open doors for Gospel conversations. One night while having dinner in downtown Tokyo with famous artists and composers from all around the country, Luke was asked about his ministry-focused visa. This was a rare opportunity in a setting with people otherwise uninterested in Christianity. Luke shares, “The whole time I could see God’s hand in guiding the entire thing.”

Connecting in a New Kind of “Neighborhood”

By Lorena de la Rosa and Suzanne Pearson • 13 Jun, 2024

Through creative arts and other forms of innovative outreach, “The Neighborhood” is creating connections to the Gospel and the love of Jesus. CONNECTION. It’s a common word with powerful implications. Dictionary.com defines connection as a joining or linking together; a relationship between people or objects that unites or binds them together. God has created each of us with a deep need for connection with Him as well as connection with others. Hebrews 10:24-25 speaks to this, as the writer exhorts, “Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” This God-given need for connection lies at the heart of a creative and innovative ministry in Japan known as “The Neighborhood.” TEAM Japan global worker, Kelly and her family created The Neighborhood as a place where connections are formed through creative arts, educational opportunities, and simply just providing a space for people to be together. A Family Calling The journey to the creation of The Neighborhood began over 5,000 miles away from Tokyo, in California where Kelly, her husband Jeff, and their five children were living. The kids were the first to sense God’s calling to missions, and asked why their family wasn’t serving in this way. How Kelly and her family came to TEAM is a God-story in and of itself. “God placed a TEAM Japan worker at our lunch table the same week that the kids posed that question to us,” Kelly recalls. “We had never heard of TEAM and so we thought, ‘let’s check this out.’ After that, God just kept confirming that we were supposed to be here.” After a period of fundraising and with much excitement, the family of seven moved to Japan in 2014. For the first five years, Kelly and Jeff served as a part of other TEAM ministry initiatives, but they began to sense a stirring for something new. Creating The Neighborhood Kelly and her family truly have a deep gift for hospitality, and regularly opened up their home to others they met in Tokyo. They saw a great need for people to have a place to gather and connect, and they wondered what doors the Lord might be opening for them to meet that need. “About a year before we were to return the States on home assignment, we were just really thinking about our future in Japan,” Kelly says. “We saw a need for people to have a ‘third place’ – a place that’s not home and it’s not work. They didn’t have a church community or any other place where they could meet people and just connect.” Kelly goes on to explain that in Japan, the culture is such that people don’t generally invite each other into their homes, but as her family did so, people embraced that opportunity. “This idea formed in all of our hearts of a student ministry center – a place where we can create community and learning,” says Kelly. “It was born out of what we were already doing in our home, but seeing how we could expand it and have better space.” God’s Provision What happened next is a true testament to God’s provision. Kelly, Jeff, and the kids returned to the States and began sharing their vision for The Neighborhood with their supporters and churches who responded generously. Upon returning to Japan, the search was on for the right space. “We had a Christian realtor that we told our dream to, and he just went looking for it,” Kelly recalls. When the realtor found a 5-story apartment building, he said, “It’s kind of out of your budget but it has what you need and want.” The Lord provided the funds and the family moved into the space in November 2019. They now occupy all but the ground floor, with living space for their family as well as classrooms, areas to study or hang out, and guest rooms for exchange students or others who need a place to stay overnight. The first floor is occupied by a pizza shop – a welcome amenity for the many groups and students who visit The Neighborhood. “It’s very convenient!” Kelly says with a laugh. The Neighborhood began to see lots of activity right away until the pandemic hit in early 2020. During the height of the quarantine, Kelly and Jeff used the time to redecorate the space and plant gardens outside the building. Then as the restrictions eased, they invited individual students or families over for meals and fellowship. It wasn’t until March 2023 that The Neighborhood was able to fully open again as intended. Kelly shares that despite the setbacks of COVID, the Lord continued to provide the funds to pay the rent.