Third Culture Kids, Part 1: Overcoming Challenges On-Field

Brianna Langley • Apr 17, 2018

What is it like to grow up among multiple cultures? Read now to learn more about the challenges third culture kids experience on the mission field.


My 6-year-old self and my 4-year-old sister, Bianca stepped out of our front door, along with our mom, and into a dark, gray hallway. It smelled like rusted staircase railings and old wooden elevators.


Sometimes the barely-big-enough-for-two-people elevator worked fine and sometimes it’d get jammed for a while. But we didn’t feel like walking down all the apartment stairs today, so we took our chances. The elevator creaked and rumbled, but made it to the bottom floor.


“Taxi?” I asked Mom as we stepped out of the old, graffitied building and onto the city sidewalk.


“The market is just around the corner,” Mom said. “Let’s walk. And please practice your Romanian while we’re out today.”


“Bine,” I said, now in Romanian. “After the market, can I get some plăcintă from Mrs. Botiș? I’m hungry.”


Home, but not Home

My family and I standing in front of the church my dad pastored. I’m the little girl on the left. Photo courtesy of Brianna Langley


Although not a typical childhood anecdote, for third culture kids, days like the one I just described are pretty common.


Bianca and I were raised as a missionary kids in Romania off-and-on during my second through tenth years of life. So at home, we were American in speech, meals, entertainment, etc. But as soon as we left our apartment, we would hear Romanian, ride trams and eat things like plăcintă and sarmale.


One of the many unique experiences that come with being raised overseas is realizing that when you talk about “home” and your parents talk about “home,” you’re referring to two different places.


You’re home — at least, the only home you know. But you also recognize that there’s this other, ambiguous home out there that your parents talk about all the time.


TEAM’s director of organizational development, Josh McQuaid, lived in Paraguay as a missionary kid from age 9 until he was 18, and he remembers changing his behavior based on certain social settings.


“I became very conscious of the fact that Americans were really loud and obnoxious,” he says. “And so, I would really consciously tone that down, and I still probably do in a lot of contexts.”


As a TCK, you have an insider’s perspective and an outsider’s perspective. That can make it hard to hear your parents complain about your host country.


For parents of TCKs, it’s important to remember that the strange land you’re navigating is familiar and comforting for your child. To them, it’s home.


Embracing Differentness

TCKs sometimes struggle with being branded as “different.” Your childhood friends are usually nationals — and you’re not.


“I mean, they lived in poverty and I didn’t. There were just really obvious things like that that made it really clear,” says Josh. “It felt to me, like, almost inappropriate not to recognize that I was from somewhere else. … So, it was better for me to be conscious of the fact that I was American, but I just didn’t want to act like ‘the typical American,’ if that makes sense.”


Even if you maintain friendships with peers in the States, you will still have different experiences — and probably different worldviews.


TEAM marketing specialist Emily Sheddan moved to Southeast Asia when she was 6. She really pushed back against her parents’ decision to become missionaries during her first few years on the field.

Emily learned her host language quickly, which was a huge help to her parents in meeting people. Despite her thriving language skills, Emily still struggled to accept her place on the mission field (center). Photo courtesy of Emily Sheddan


“I didn’t want to be associated with growing up overseas, just because it separated me from my friends in the States,” she says. “It was hard to relate to my friends because they just thought I was above them sometimes since I grew up in a different country.”


TEAM photography and digital media intern Nate Murphy moved to Venezuela when he was also 6, and learned early on to embrace the “differentness” of being a TCK. To him, learning to love his uniqueness has been invaluable.


I like that I kind of grew up having that mindset. Because a lot of people do come to that eventually,” says Nate. “Usually around college, you’re like, ‘I don’t care what people think of me anymore.’ … And I think it’s just a good thing to know yourself well enough to actually be yourself.”


Quirks and Coping Mechanisms

TCKs also tend to develop certain quirks that become part of who they are as adults.


“One of the things that I do remember is that I would — and still do to this day — have a really hard time maintaining relationships with people that are not currently in my context,” says Josh. “Most of the time, it’s like, if they’re not in the circle of people that are in my city, I’m not gonna stay in touch. Like, I’m just gonna be here.”

As a TCK, Nate (pictured far right) learned to embrace his uniqueness from growing up in a different country. Photo courtesy of Nate Murphy


TCKs grow up drifting in between cultures during their most formative years. For a child, that can be confusing.


Without even realizing it, you pick up coping techniques — like blocking a language from your mind when you’re not in the correct context.


“I was 5, and I spoke three different languages besides English,” says Beth Fussner, TEAM’s learning and development program director. “I could literally switch between all three at will, depending on the person I was talking to.”


Beth was born on the mission field in the Philippines. She didn’t see the States until her parents’ home assignment year when she was five.


“And then I just refused to speak anything but American English when we were here. … I was like, ‘Nope. We don’t talk that language here, so I will just totally refuse,’” she says. “But a year is a long time for a 5-year-old and … I never fully picked it up again.”


As a parent, one of the best things you can do for your TCK is teach them to embrace every part of who they are. There’s good and bad in every culture — empower them to choose which parts of each culture they want to hold onto.


Benefits versus Challenges

Since parents of TCKs are often not TCKs themselves, they don’t always know or understand how moving overseas will impact their kids. Fortunately, the number of resources for TCK parents is always growing.


Instead of letting TCK challenges discourage you from following God’s call, check out books like Third Culture Kids by David C. Pollock and Ruth E. Van Reken. You can also find other posts on this blog, including Raising Up Healthy Missionary Kids and Why Missionary Kids Need Missionaries, Too.


Personally, I wouldn’t trade my childhood for the world. And every TCK I’ve ever met has affirmed that the benefits of their experiences far outweigh the difficulties.


For tips on how to navigate the transition back to the States as a third culture kid, check out part two of this series!

By Suzanne Pearson 19 Mar, 2024
Previously on the TEAM blog, we sat down with Justin Burkholder (pictured above at left, with TEAM's Executive Director of Communications, Aaron Catlin). Justin will become TEAM’s next International Director on July 1, 2024. Justin shared about his background, family, and the journey that led him to TEAM. Check out that interview here . Today, we pick up the conversation as Justin shares how God called him to the role of International Director, and what he sees for the next chapter in TEAM’s work in the global Church. Q: How and when did you first consider applying for the position of International Director? How did the Lord reveal Himself to you as this opportunity presented itself? A: For some time, I have been evaluating how God wants me to use the gifts He has given me. Jenny and I have had a fruitful ministry in church planting in Guatemala and would happily continue doing so as God leads. However, as God blessed my efforts in TEAM leadership, there were friends and family who expressed that I should consider using my gifts in the International Director role. I don’t believe that everything necessarily rises and falls on leadership, but I do believe that it is a core component in the body of Christ. Using the gifts God has given me is a way that I want to bless the body of Christ in TEAM, making my contribution to the global purposes of God’s mission. Jenny and I spent a lot of time praying about this and decided that I should put my name in for consideration, trusting God’s guidance. We had a tremendous amount of peace throughout the entire process and were blessed by the prayer-filled process that the board undertook. Q: This is a key role in a large and complex organization, and I’m sure this was a big decision for you and your family. What were your fears or concerns? Why did you ultimately decide to accept the position? A: You say “were” like the fears have passed! I still am quite aware of my youth and inexperience - of the responsibility and weight of this role. Mostly, I’m afraid of leading an organization like TEAM in the flesh. Many of the fears that I have faced have been fears rooted in fleshly desires and concerns. I have no desire to succeed in the world’s eyes and fail in the Kingdom of Jesus. Why did I ultimately decide to accept the position? I’m convinced that the Good News about Jesus is true. The tomb is empty, Jesus is King, and the world needs to know, because Jesus is coming back. He will put things in order. He will establish righteousness, peace, and justice for all mankind, and He has commissioned His Church to proclaim and demonstrate His rule and reign. I want to use my gifts to do whatever I can to amplify the proclamation of this message and the multiplication of His Church around the world. Q: What are your goals and vision for the future of TEAM? A: This is something that I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about. I’m certainly not ready to present a fully-shaped vision and goals for TEAM’s future without the input of other people in different contexts in TEAM. But, I will share a few things that I think are important: First, we need to model God-Dependence . I am hopeful that as leaders in TEAM, we can continue to model God-Dependence. As Hudson Taylor said years ago “…God’s work, done in God’s way, will never lack God’s supplies.” I am hopeful that we can increase our sense of faith in God, prayer, and seeking direction from the Spirit. Secondly, we must strengthen our relational fabric . Due to the changes that we have experienced by decentralizing our home office functions, and the challenges from the pandemic, we have experienced a loss of relationships. It is imperative that we intentionally prioritize the building of relationships with one another. I plan to visit our workers and staff, and I am expectant that other key leaders and staff will be doing the same. Third, we must pursue the greater presence of the global Church. The Kingdom of Jesus Christ doesn’t look like any single geopolitical, ethnic, or racial culture. If we want to truly see the Kingdom of Jesus come on earth as it is in heaven, then we as citizens of this Kingdom must learn from one another, submit to one another, and grow with one another. The missional potential of the global Church has been unleashed by God’s Spirit since Acts 1, and we have an opportunity to learn from many brothers and sisters in Christ who can help us to better model and proclaim the Kingdom of Jesus to those who have yet to believe. Lastly, we must increase our Gospel boldness . There are still many places of great spiritual blindness and spiritual brokenness around the world. The apostolic impulse of cross-cultural organizations should call us to the to the edges of where the Kingdom of Jesus is not penetrating. Whether spiritual blindness and brokenness exists because of lack of access, idolatry, injustice, or any other myriad of reasons, I prayerfully hope to see more and more TEAM workers continue to move into spaces of great Gospel need.
By Suzanne Pearson 08 Mar, 2024
Through God-ordained partnerships and creative connections, TEAM worker Keith Moore sees the global Church advancing in amazing ways. In the global missions landscape, a phrase that comes up often is “from everywhere, to everywhere.” God is calling His global Church in literal new directions, as He raises up cross-cultural workers to be sent from places that were once on the receiving end of missions work. We call this movement “polycentric sending.” TEAM workers Dawn and Keith Moore have seen first-hand this transition taking place. Their story involves the unlikely but beautiful intersection of Charlotte, North Carolina; Tegucigalpa, Honduras; and Memphis, Tennessee...and beyond. The Path to Honduras Keith and Dawn joined TEAM in 1991 and served as church planters for nine years in Bogota, Colombia. After safety concerns precipitated their return to the States in 1999, they knew they wanted to continue serving in Latin America. The Moores felt called to Honduras but wanted to connect with a strong missional church to help send them. The Lord orchestrated a collaboration with Bellevue Baptist Church in Memphis, Tennessee. “Some people asked, ‘Why Honduras? Missionaries have been there for 100 years. It’s already reached,’” Keith says. “But there’s a whole section of Latin America that had not been reached - the upper crust.” Keith goes on to explain that he and Dawn felt called to reach college-educated professionals in Honduras – a ministry vision that resonated with the missional goals of Bellevue Baptist. Impact and Growth With the support of this new church partnership as well as another sending church in Birmingham, Alabama, the Moores embarked on their next adventure. Keith and Dawn started Impacto Honduras Church from scratch, and in less than 20 years, the church grew into four locations with 1600 total members. The Moores and other TEAM workers also created a “Bible school” type training program to help professionals who feel a call to ministry to make that transition. Throughout this period of explosive growth, church partnerships played an integral role. “It’s such a different vision when you have a church that says, ‘OK, this is our deal, we want to make this happen,’” Keith explains. “They helped us with everything. They took away every single obstacle to growth. Every time we needed something, they were there.” In 2017, the Moores once again found themselves on the verge of another decision. Was it time to leave Honduras? “I had no desire to leave,” Keith recalls. “People were coming to Christ every week! It was just so amazing.” However, back in the U.S., Keith and Dawn’s parents were in their 80s and would soon be in need of more care. “We realized that either we would leave in a crisis, or we would leave strategically,” says Keith. The couple began to implement a careful succession plan. By the time they left, the four churches were established with strong, Honduran leadership ready to carry on the work of the Gospel.
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