Third Culture Kids, Part 2: What it Means to Come Home

Brianna Langley • May 22, 2018

Growing up as a third culture kid has its own challenges, but what's it like to come home to a place you've never called home? Find out as TCK's recount their personal experiences.



This is part two of a discussion on what it means to be a third culture kid. Check out part one here!


I was 10 years old. I was in our apartment living room, sitting on our couch, surrounded by cardboard boxes.


I felt sick to my stomach and scared to start over. I told my parents I wasn’t getting on the plane.


I felt depressed because I knew I was just spewing nonsense. Of course I would have to get on the plane.


I felt angry because my parents seemed so giddy and happy to be going home — only, it wasn’t my home. It was theirs. In my mind, I was losing everything. And they had the audacity to be happy?


It wasn’t like I hadn’t known this was coming. My parents had always told my sister and me we would go back to the States someday.


But now, it was here. It was real.


My entire memorable life up to that point had been spent in Romania, not the States.


Yet somehow, suddenly, I was expected to call a foreign place home.


Being an Enigma Wherever You Go

For most third culture kids, transitioning to life in their passport country is more difficult than living abroad.


Expatriate kids aren’t like expatriate adults. To them, their “host country” is often the only home they know. And yet, they hear their whole lives that it’s not really home.


And since children don’t always know how to handle emotional complexities, each cultural shift impacts who they are in ways that are often permanent.


For instance, TCKs tend to feel out of place wherever they go. They may be American on the outside, but on the inside, they’re a mixture of something completely different.


And as a TCK, you’re always aware of just how much you stand out, especially in social settings with other Americans your age.

Brianna traveled back to Romania when she was older, but whether she was in America or abroad, she still struggled to find her cultural identity. Photo courtesy of Brianna Langley


Beth, TEAM’s Learning and Development Program Director, was born on the mission field in the Philippines and moved to the States after high school.


“Over time I realized that there was a whole swath of my life when the movies people know didn’t even exist to me,” says Beth Fussner. “… So, if there’s a conversation where people are talking about actors or things from that period, I’m like, ‘I have no clue what you’re talking about.’”


But the differences aren’t always as superficial as pop culture. Values and worldviews also differ drastically from culture to culture.


TEAM Director of Organizational Development Josh McQuaid was raised in Paraguay and says American concepts like gun culture and the emphasis on individual rights are completely foreign to him.


What’s worse is returning TCKs tend to feel pressure to fit right back in because they look the part. After all, their parents are American, right? Shouldn’t it come naturally?


But even if their parents are American, TCKs are not — at least not fully.


“The best way I can think of to describe it … is like you’re walking around with both of your arms cut off, only nobody can see that,” says Beth. “They think that you’re whole, but you’re not and you just can’t quite figure out how to do life in this new place because it’s so very different from where you’re from.”


Relearning Everything

“Figuring out how to do life” is one of the hardest obstacles for returning TCKs to overcome.


TEAM’s marketing specialist Emily Sheddan grew up as a missionary kid in Southeast Asia.


“I had trouble with the money because overseas it’s all colorful like monopoly money,” says Emily. “There would often be times, like in Walmart, when I would be paying with cash and the cashier would have to end up helping me. So, those times were a little bit embarrassing.”


Almost anything can trigger culture shock for returning TCKs because their childhood memories were all created in a different cultural context.


The Most Difficult Issue TCKs Face

But usually, the most difficult issue returning TCKs face is one of identity.


Culture plays a huge part in forming our identity. So when your childhood is composed of multiple cultures, figuring out who you are can be a challenge.


“I felt really lost [in the States]. Just thinking back on it — I still struggle,” says Beth. “I still have a hard time even talking about it because I get emotional about this really easily.”


The topic of cultural identity almost always hits a raw nerve for TCKs, which is something I can personally attest to.


When we moved back to the States, I struggled to make friends because I didn’t know how American kids acted. And I really didn’t know what to say when people would ask me where I was from.


It wasn’t until my parents and I discovered the term “third culture kid” and began doing research that everything started to make sense. I realized I was a hybrid — and that I would always be a hybrid. And at that point, I could move toward accepting that.


A Privileged Experience

While on the field, Emily kept up with American friends long-distance. This was one of the biggest things that helped her transition back to the States. Photo courtesy of Emily Sheddan


For all the obstacles it presents, there are ways to make the transition back to a TCK’s passport country easier.


Do research and prepare yourself emotionally for what’s coming. Or find a group of other internationals you can talk to once you return.


For Emily, maintaining long-distance friendships during her time abroad helped more than anything else.


“It definitely wasn’t as hard as some of my fellow MKs’ experiences, just because I did have relationships and friendships on this side of the ocean the whole way through my missionary time. I mean, like, kids and babies that I was in the nursery with would write me emails and letters and we would be pen pals,” she says. “We went to college together. … It was like I was coming back and I already had some friends.”


Regardless of the challenges,  I wouldn’t give up the TCK experience for the world. So many good things in my life (my interest in culture and foreign affairs, my job at a global missions organization, etc.) are all a part of who I am because of the way I was raised.


I’ll never be able to thank my parents enough for that.

By Suzanne Pearson 08 Mar, 2024
Through God-ordained partnerships and creative connections, TEAM worker Keith Moore sees the global Church advancing in amazing ways. In the global missions landscape, a phrase that comes up often is “from everywhere, to everywhere.” God is calling His global Church in literal new directions, as He raises up cross-cultural workers to be sent from places that were once on the receiving end of missions work. We call this movement “polycentric sending.” TEAM workers Dawn and Keith Moore have seen first-hand this transition taking place. Their story involves the unlikely but beautiful intersection of Charlotte, North Carolina; Tegucigalpa, Honduras; and Memphis, Tennessee...and beyond. The Path to Honduras Keith and Dawn joined TEAM in 1991 and served as church planters for nine years in Bogota, Colombia. After safety concerns precipitated their return to the States in 1999, they knew they wanted to continue serving in Latin America. The Moores felt called to Honduras but wanted to connect with a strong missional church to help send them. The Lord orchestrated a collaboration with Bellevue Baptist Church in Memphis, Tennessee. “Some people asked, ‘Why Honduras? Missionaries have been there for 100 years. It’s already reached,’” Keith says. “But there’s a whole section of Latin America that had not been reached - the upper crust.” Keith goes on to explain that he and Dawn felt called to reach college-educated professionals in Honduras – a ministry vision that resonated with the missional goals of Bellevue Baptist. Impact and Growth With the support of this new church partnership as well as another sending church in Birmingham, Alabama, the Moores embarked on their next adventure. Keith and Dawn started Impacto Honduras Church from scratch, and in less than 20 years, the church grew into four locations with 1600 total members. The Moores and other TEAM workers also created a “Bible school” type training program to help professionals who feel a call to ministry to make that transition. Throughout this period of explosive growth, church partnerships played an integral role. “It’s such a different vision when you have a church that says, ‘OK, this is our deal, we want to make this happen,’” Keith explains. “They helped us with everything. They took away every single obstacle to growth. Every time we needed something, they were there.” In 2017, the Moores once again found themselves on the verge of another decision. Was it time to leave Honduras? “I had no desire to leave,” Keith recalls. “People were coming to Christ every week! It was just so amazing.” However, back in the U.S., Keith and Dawn’s parents were in their 80s and would soon be in need of more care. “We realized that either we would leave in a crisis, or we would leave strategically,” says Keith. The couple began to implement a careful succession plan. By the time they left, the four churches were established with strong, Honduran leadership ready to carry on the work of the Gospel.
By Suzanne Pearson 23 Feb, 2024
Justin Burkholder, pictured here with his wife Jenny and their daughters Isabella, Olivia, and Zoey, has recently been named as TEAM’s next International Director. On February 19, 2024, with much excitement and gratitude to the Lord, TEAM announced that Justin Burkholder will become our organization’s new International Director, effective July 1, 2024. Justin, who is currently TEAM’s Executive Director of Global Ministry, will assume his new role upon the retirement of the current International Director, Dave Hall. ( Read the full press release here. ) We sat down recently with Justin to learn a little more about his background, his family, and the journey that has led him to TEAM. Q: Tell us a little bit about your “origin story” - Where did you grow up? What was your family like? A: I grew up in Mexico City as a missionary kid. My parents were focused on church planting. We were very close as a family. Both of my parents are still alive, and my dad serves as a pastor in southern Florida. I have one brother who is a pastor in Wisconsin, and the most special individual in my family is my sister, Amber. She was born with a very severe case of cerebral palsy and is entirely dependent on my mother...who is extraordinary! The three most impactful forces that have shaped who I am (outside of God’s grace) are growing up in Mexico, having parents who loved and planted churches, and sharing life with someone with a severe disability. My parents belonged at the time to a church and denomination that came with quite a bit of legalism and performance-oriented Christianity. Grace was a challenging concept to grasp. While I had an awareness of my sin and need for redemption, it wasn’t until I attended Moody Bible Institute that I began to grasp the fullness of God’s grace and His delight in His children. I have continued learning and trusting in the Gospel through formal education, like completing my M.Div., and through spiritual practices in community. Learning the Gospel and believing the Gospel has been a daily exercise. The Gospel is as beautiful and multi-faceted as a diamond! At an individual level, it is simple enough for us to live convinced that “Jesus loves me, this I know.” At a corporate level, it becomes the foundation that forms and informs our life as a spiritual family. At a cosmic level, it is redemption that reaches as far as the curse is found. It is hard to even grasp the multiplicity of goodness found in the Good News. Q: Share a little bit about your family life now. What does a typical day look like in the Burkholder household? A: My wife Jenny is my high-school sweetheart! She brings joy and kindness wherever she goes. She’s the best listener I’ve ever met, and we love spending time together. We have three daughters. Isabella is ten, Olivia is seven, and Zoey is four. Each of the girls is unique and has taught us a lot in our process of following Jesus together. We like to go out on walks and go to the park together. Once a month I try to get some alone time with each of my daughters which usually includes bowling or trampolines. A typical day in the Burkholder house starts around 5:00am. Because of traffic here in Guatemala City, we have to leave early for school. After school, the girls come home to different activities - sometimes swimming class, sometimes piano lessons. Four or five nights a week we have dinner together where we usually talk about our high and low moments of the day. On weekends, we enjoy time together, playing outside, or watching sports together. Go Cubs and Go Buckeyes! Q: What are your interests and hobbies? If you have the day off, what are you likely to be up to? A: I enjoy physical activity, running, strength-training and following sports. I also love music and, truth be told, am a bit snobby about my taste in music! I also am a very curious person and love reading just about anything that passes through my hands. A day off is usually an opportunity for time with family. Jenny and I like to cook something interesting together on our days off. Often there is time for some reading and watching some type of athletic event. Q: How did God lead you to TEAM? A: My wife and I were working in the Chicago suburbs. I was a youth pastor and she was a Spanish teacher. When we got married, we had already sensed God’s direction to serve cross-culturally, but it was a matter of discerning when and where. There was a driving desire in me to see a church deeply love the Scriptures and at the same time, be deeply engaged in loving and serving their city and the most vulnerable among them. As God directed our paths, we visited a variety of places and made some friends in Guatemala who opened up the path for us to serve here. While we were exploring, we knew that the International Director of an organization called TEAM happened to go to our church, so I decided I should probably invite him out for breakfast - his name was Charlie Davis. Charlie was extremely thoughtful, passionate about disciple-making, and very gracious in creating space for us as we stepped into this endeavor. Charlie connected me with Steve Dresselhaus, a fellow TEAM global worker who was at that time serving as the Senior Director for the Americas. I cannot express the debt that I owe Steve. He walked closely with me in the transition, encouraged courageous thinking about the church and her role in society, and blasted open the doors for us to serve in Guatemala. After meeting Steve, we spent some days praying about joining TEAM. One thing I will never forget – one night during the process, I found myself wide awake in the middle of the night. A peace like I have seldom experienced passed over me confirming that we should join TEAM. There is no doubt in my mind that God tied all of these pieces together to bring us into the TEAM family and community. Q: What roles have you held in TEAM? What have been the milestones in those roles? A: The most important role I have held in TEAM is that of a global worker. God in His grace has allowed us to help plant two churches here in Guatemala, serve in leadership development, counseling, and discipleship. Our greatest joy has been found walking with those who are learning to follow Christ more deeply. I served as the Ministry Area Leader in Guatemala from 2016 to 2019. We helped to establish and lead this ministry area as it grew from just four global workers to over 15. I then served as Senior Director for Mexico and Central America from 2019 to 2021, Regional Executive Director for the Americas in 2021 and 2022, and then transitioned to the role of Executive Director of Global Ministry which I’ll continue in until the end of June. Q: What do you love most about being a part of TEAM? Why TEAM rather than other organizations or job opportunities? A: The TEAM community is full of people who have faithfully served God’s mission and have given up a lot to do so. It is a privilege to know many of our global workers and be counted among them. I am also fascinated by the fact that TEAM has existed now for more than 130 years! There is something to be said about the resilience and faithfulness of an organization that has continued to impact the world for so long. The rest of our conversation with Justin will be coming soon on blog! We’ll hear more about how God called Justin to the role of International Director, and what Justin sees for the next chapter in TEAM’s work in the global Church.
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