What It’s Like to be Raised by Missionaries

Brianna Langley • Jun 13, 2019

For most kids, getting grape jam instead of strawberry jam on their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches isn’t a big deal. It might even just be a matter of personal preference.

But when Marti Williams got grape jam as a kid, she knew it meant something else entirely.

Marti grew up as a missionary kid in South Africa . And at a young age, she knew when her parents had extra financial support — because she and her siblings would get treated to strawberry jam. During leaner months, they got by just fine with grape.

But looking back, Marti sees the grape months were worth it.

“Learning that we were blessed because God had provided jam at all was a valuable lesson,” she says.

And that story’s a good depiction of what being raised by missionaries is really like. There are benefits and challenges — and blessings mixed up in both.

You will be Treated Differently

A missionary and her daughter in Africa play with a small child,

One of the challenges that TCKs face is learning to handle the feelings that come with being treated differently.

For better or worse, people will treat you differently than other kids once they find out your parents are missionaries.

I sometimes wished this wasn’t the case when I was growing up. I was a pretty shy kid. So during home assignment , the attention my sister and I received at my parents’ supporting churches wasn’t always welcome.

Luckily, I had a great mom and dad who taught me how to be polite. They also made daily quiet time a priority for me, which helped me adjust any time we were in a new place.

For Emily Sheddan, growing up as a missionary kid in Malaysia sometimes strained her childhood friendships.

“Sometimes it would seem like they felt sorry for me,” she says. “Or even like they couldn’t relate because I was having such different experiences.”

But Emily says the key to overcoming the relational divide between missionary kids and their non-missionary peers is to realize that neither childhood is less valuable than the other — they just look different.

While Emily sometimes struggled with friendships, Nate Murphy remembers getting pseudo-rockstar treatment as a missionary kid in Venezuela.

“In Venezuela, I was treated kind of like a celebrity by the church for being the missionaries’ kid,” he says. “Everyone knew who I was and was always excited to talk to me.”

But kids don’t always have enough tools to properly deal with extra doses of attention.

I can remember struggling with an inflated sense of self-importance, which was quickly put in check when we moved back to the States !

Being raised by missionaries means that you’ll probably grow up with more eyes on you than most kids have. But it also equips you with invaluable tools to create boundaries and maintain cross-cultural friendships at an early age.

Getting to Know Relatives Takes Work

One of the main laments missionary kids express later in life is a lack of closeness with their extended family.

College age students talk while walking around downtown Philadelphia.

Living far away from extended family means maintaining relationships takes extra effort. This is especially true for TCKs who may never have lived close to their relatives.

Rob Dent was raised by missionaries in Singapore, and he remembers feeling frustrated by this throughout his childhood years.

“My blood relatives seemed like strangers every time we visited America, and by the time we had developed a good relationship with them, we were usually on our way back home to Singapore,” he says.

Of course the flipside to this disadvantage is that missionary kids often feel especially close to their immediate family. I know this was certainly the case for me!

Even though I never really knew any of my aunts and uncles growing up, my parents and my sister were truly my best friends. No one else understood the cultural challenges I was going through like they did, because they were usually going through them too.

Now I have a good relationship with pretty much all of my relatives. It has required a little more work on my end during my adult years, but I never take those bonds for granted now because I spent so many years without them.

Broad Perspectives — and Some Pressure

I’ll admit that I didn’t fully appreciate the global experiences I was given while I was growing up in Romania . I wish I had.

More than once, my parents would stop in the middle of whatever we were doing, look me in the eyes and say something along the lines of, “Don’t forget this moment. Take this in. You don’t understand this now, but this is a once-in-a-lifetime experience.”

And I’m so glad they did that! Because at the time, I was too young to really know the significance of my experiences. There’s no way I would have remembered half of those experiences if they hadn’t urged me to.

And boy, do I appreciate those memories now!

“I got to ride camels and elephants, attend royal weddings, see exotic animals in their natural habitats without going to a zoo, stay in African villages, and the list goes on,” Marti recalls. “I got to have and enjoy experiences that other kids only see on the National Geographic Channel!”

A lamp post in France has several different countries' flags hanging by it.

TCKs grow up with a wide variety of cultural experiences that can shape their worldview for the rest of their lives.

Getting those snapshot memories and experiences at such a young age is a tremendous blessing. And it’s a big part of what it means to be raised by missionaries — and a big part of who I am today.

That being said, I can remember being pressured — not necessarily by my parents, but by multiple adults in my life — to follow in my parents’ footsteps and become a missionary one day. People tend to think you’re tailor-made for global ministry if you were raised in it.

Here’s the problem though: Being a missionary was my parents’ calling, but it’s not mine.

Becoming a missionary takes more than cross-cultural experience. It takes a specific calling. It’s not for everyone, and it certainly has never been my gifting. And that’s okay. But it took me a long time to accept that.

“There was definitely pressure. If not from my parents, then from those around me,” says Nate. “One problem with being a preacher’s kid is that everyone expects you to be like your parents . My extended family actually has a lot of ministers in it. When your entire family is like that, there is some pressure to follow suit.”

Every former missionary kid that I’ve ever met has quickly said that having missionary parents is worth any amount of pressure they may have to face, though.

Why It’s Worth the Challenges

I got to see an amazing example of faith in my parents. They love Jesus so much that they were willing to go to the ends of the earth to proclaim His Good News.

And to me, that’s shaped everything about how I want my own faith to look — even if missionary life isn’t my calling. And I know I’m not alone in that sentiment.

I was raised by two wonderful people who love God and have a stable marriage. Their example of obedience to God and love for each other and other people taught me what’s important,” Rob says. “They pulled back the curtains that hide away the world before I was even born, introducing me to … different peoples and cultures. They taught me the difference between right and wrong in the middle of a myriad of beliefs.”

By Suzanne Pearson 19 Mar, 2024
Previously on the TEAM blog, we sat down with Justin Burkholder (pictured above at left, with TEAM's Executive Director of Communications, Aaron Catlin). Justin will become TEAM’s next International Director on July 1, 2024. Justin shared about his background, family, and the journey that led him to TEAM. Check out that interview here . Today, we pick up the conversation as Justin shares how God called him to the role of International Director, and what he sees for the next chapter in TEAM’s work in the global Church. Q: How and when did you first consider applying for the position of International Director? How did the Lord reveal Himself to you as this opportunity presented itself? A: For some time, I have been evaluating how God wants me to use the gifts He has given me. Jenny and I have had a fruitful ministry in church planting in Guatemala and would happily continue doing so as God leads. However, as God blessed my efforts in TEAM leadership, there were friends and family who expressed that I should consider using my gifts in the International Director role. I don’t believe that everything necessarily rises and falls on leadership, but I do believe that it is a core component in the body of Christ. Using the gifts God has given me is a way that I want to bless the body of Christ in TEAM, making my contribution to the global purposes of God’s mission. Jenny and I spent a lot of time praying about this and decided that I should put my name in for consideration, trusting God’s guidance. We had a tremendous amount of peace throughout the entire process and were blessed by the prayer-filled process that the board undertook. Q: This is a key role in a large and complex organization, and I’m sure this was a big decision for you and your family. What were your fears or concerns? Why did you ultimately decide to accept the position? A: You say “were” like the fears have passed! I still am quite aware of my youth and inexperience - of the responsibility and weight of this role. Mostly, I’m afraid of leading an organization like TEAM in the flesh. Many of the fears that I have faced have been fears rooted in fleshly desires and concerns. I have no desire to succeed in the world’s eyes and fail in the Kingdom of Jesus. Why did I ultimately decide to accept the position? I’m convinced that the Good News about Jesus is true. The tomb is empty, Jesus is King, and the world needs to know, because Jesus is coming back. He will put things in order. He will establish righteousness, peace, and justice for all mankind, and He has commissioned His Church to proclaim and demonstrate His rule and reign. I want to use my gifts to do whatever I can to amplify the proclamation of this message and the multiplication of His Church around the world. Q: What are your goals and vision for the future of TEAM? A: This is something that I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about. I’m certainly not ready to present a fully-shaped vision and goals for TEAM’s future without the input of other people in different contexts in TEAM. But, I will share a few things that I think are important: First, we need to model God-Dependence . I am hopeful that as leaders in TEAM, we can continue to model God-Dependence. As Hudson Taylor said years ago “…God’s work, done in God’s way, will never lack God’s supplies.” I am hopeful that we can increase our sense of faith in God, prayer, and seeking direction from the Spirit. Secondly, we must strengthen our relational fabric . Due to the changes that we have experienced by decentralizing our home office functions, and the challenges from the pandemic, we have experienced a loss of relationships. It is imperative that we intentionally prioritize the building of relationships with one another. I plan to visit our workers and staff, and I am expectant that other key leaders and staff will be doing the same. Third, we must pursue the greater presence of the global Church. The Kingdom of Jesus Christ doesn’t look like any single geopolitical, ethnic, or racial culture. If we want to truly see the Kingdom of Jesus come on earth as it is in heaven, then we as citizens of this Kingdom must learn from one another, submit to one another, and grow with one another. The missional potential of the global Church has been unleashed by God’s Spirit since Acts 1, and we have an opportunity to learn from many brothers and sisters in Christ who can help us to better model and proclaim the Kingdom of Jesus to those who have yet to believe. Lastly, we must increase our Gospel boldness . There are still many places of great spiritual blindness and spiritual brokenness around the world. The apostolic impulse of cross-cultural organizations should call us to the to the edges of where the Kingdom of Jesus is not penetrating. Whether spiritual blindness and brokenness exists because of lack of access, idolatry, injustice, or any other myriad of reasons, I prayerfully hope to see more and more TEAM workers continue to move into spaces of great Gospel need.
By Suzanne Pearson 08 Mar, 2024
Through God-ordained partnerships and creative connections, TEAM worker Keith Moore sees the global Church advancing in amazing ways. In the global missions landscape, a phrase that comes up often is “from everywhere, to everywhere.” God is calling His global Church in literal new directions, as He raises up cross-cultural workers to be sent from places that were once on the receiving end of missions work. We call this movement “polycentric sending.” TEAM workers Dawn and Keith Moore have seen first-hand this transition taking place. Their story involves the unlikely but beautiful intersection of Charlotte, North Carolina; Tegucigalpa, Honduras; and Memphis, Tennessee...and beyond. The Path to Honduras Keith and Dawn joined TEAM in 1991 and served as church planters for nine years in Bogota, Colombia. After safety concerns precipitated their return to the States in 1999, they knew they wanted to continue serving in Latin America. The Moores felt called to Honduras but wanted to connect with a strong missional church to help send them. The Lord orchestrated a collaboration with Bellevue Baptist Church in Memphis, Tennessee. “Some people asked, ‘Why Honduras? Missionaries have been there for 100 years. It’s already reached,’” Keith says. “But there’s a whole section of Latin America that had not been reached - the upper crust.” Keith goes on to explain that he and Dawn felt called to reach college-educated professionals in Honduras – a ministry vision that resonated with the missional goals of Bellevue Baptist. Impact and Growth With the support of this new church partnership as well as another sending church in Birmingham, Alabama, the Moores embarked on their next adventure. Keith and Dawn started Impacto Honduras Church from scratch, and in less than 20 years, the church grew into four locations with 1600 total members. The Moores and other TEAM workers also created a “Bible school” type training program to help professionals who feel a call to ministry to make that transition. Throughout this period of explosive growth, church partnerships played an integral role. “It’s such a different vision when you have a church that says, ‘OK, this is our deal, we want to make this happen,’” Keith explains. “They helped us with everything. They took away every single obstacle to growth. Every time we needed something, they were there.” In 2017, the Moores once again found themselves on the verge of another decision. Was it time to leave Honduras? “I had no desire to leave,” Keith recalls. “People were coming to Christ every week! It was just so amazing.” However, back in the U.S., Keith and Dawn’s parents were in their 80s and would soon be in need of more care. “We realized that either we would leave in a crisis, or we would leave strategically,” says Keith. The couple began to implement a careful succession plan. By the time they left, the four churches were established with strong, Honduran leadership ready to carry on the work of the Gospel.
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