When Raising MKs, Remember the ‘K’

Sue Querfeld • Oct 30, 2018

I am not a huge fan of tattoos, but when my 21-year-old daughter showed me hers, I fell in love.

It’s a simple design on her ankle — just the coordinates of Arequipa, Peru, where she grew up as a missionary kid (MK). You might wonder, What’s the big deal about that? But as a missionary parent, the message to me is huge.

It means my daughter so identifies with the place where she grew up that she wants to carry it with her forever.

Lately, there has been an explosion of articles by or about MKs who rejected the faith and have strained relationships with their parents. It is true that some MKs have suffered, and in no way do I wish to deny their experiences. But as I read these articles, I find myself thinking, Aren’t there good stories too?

In most articles about MKs, the emphasis is on the ‘M’; we seem to have forgotten the ‘K.’ We forget that MKs are first and foremost kids. They are children who need to be loved, nurtured, taught and disciplined just like every other child in the whole world.

When We Tell MKs They’re Different

Our children have no childhood memories of living in the U.S. except on home assignments. They grew up going to a Peruvian school, playing with Peruvian children and enduring periodic trips to the States where everything was strange to them.

During one of these trips, we attended a missionary conference where our kids learned about MK issues.

Shortly after returning to Peru, our 14-year-old, Philip, went to spend the night at his friend’s house. To our surprise, he showed up at home at 10:00 p.m., having walked the mile or so to get there. He told us he didn’t fit in with his friends.

The next morning, my husband, Craig, listened as Philip shared what he had learned about MKs. Craig then reminded Philip that he, too, was an MK and understood what it felt like to live in two cultures. He made it clear that no matter what they said it at the conference, it didn’t mean that he no longer fit in with the friends he’d had since kindergarten.

Sometimes we’re so eager to help our kids feel normal, we actually end up making them feel like outsiders. And this affects them not only on the mission field but also when they return to their passport countries.

So how do we help them live in this unique space without inadvertently hurting them? I talked with my kids and other MKs who successfully transitioned to the U.S., and I found some common themes.

Parents Who Model Integrity

Again and again, MKs spoke of the way their parents modeled integrity in their homes. They created an atmosphere of open communication, mutual respect, and trust.

David shared that the dad he heard preaching on Sundays was the same dad he chatted with at the dinner table. When David was disciplined, it wasn’t because he misbehaved in public, but because he misbehaved. The discipline had nothing to do with how his behavior reflected on his parents’ ministry.

Access to Outside Activities

The MKs also agreed that their parents did not shelter them, but encouraged them to get involved in activities that interested them. The activities were as varied as their personalities, but all of these kids understood that they were expected to fulfill their commitments, not give up when things got tough.

Zach, an MK from China and Hong Kong, credits his parents for teaching him values, discipline and how to make decisions. Knowing how to engage with the world — and persevere — is essential for young adults stepping into yet another foreign culture.

Finding a Place to Belong

These MKs had something else in common. Upon arriving in the States , they all found groups to belong to. For some, that was a continuation of an activity they had been involved in growing up. For others, it was something new.

Whatever it was, each one of them sought out a group of people with whom they felt safe and a sense of belonging. These friends could also, if necessary, explain the mysteries of North American culture.

Part of what helped MKs fit into new groups was realizing that every young adult goes through transitions. Successful MKs recognized that there is an adjustment period, but they didn’t think they had it harder than anyone else. They saw MKs as one more demographic with its own norms, its pros and its cons — just like any other.

My daughter, Becky, told me, “It’s difficult for any high school senior going to college. … I don’t know why it would be significantly harder for me.”

Walking Together Through Change

Finally, as MKs go through life’s transitions, it’s important to know that their parents will walk with them as best they can, just as any parent would.

Shelby, who grew up in Brazil , didn’t want to go to college in the U.S., but she decided to go at her parents’ urging.

“I knew that as long as I gave it an honest try, if I thought it was not right for me, I could talk to my parents and we would figure out what was right,” Shelby says.

Knowing that her parents would listen to her as long as she did her part was enough to convince her to try.

Missionary Kids Are Still… Kids

So, what’s the common denominator in all of this?

Parenting. But not missionary parenting. Just parents with integrity, raising their children to have it as well.

These families happen to be on the mission field, yes. But the reality is that the qualities these MKs admire in their parents are qualities that parents everywhere should aspire to have and instill in their children.

That tattoo that my daughter got is not something I would have sought out. But I take it as a message from her that I did my job well.

Perfectly? Of course not. But well enough that she wants to tell everyone she meets in the U.S. that, though her body is there, part of her will always belong in Peru , and a part of Peru will be with her always.

By Suzanne Pearson 19 Mar, 2024
Previously on the TEAM blog, we sat down with Justin Burkholder (pictured above at left, with TEAM's Executive Director of Communications, Aaron Catlin). Justin will become TEAM’s next International Director on July 1, 2024. Justin shared about his background, family, and the journey that led him to TEAM. Check out that interview here . Today, we pick up the conversation as Justin shares how God called him to the role of International Director, and what he sees for the next chapter in TEAM’s work in the global Church. Q: How and when did you first consider applying for the position of International Director? How did the Lord reveal Himself to you as this opportunity presented itself? A: For some time, I have been evaluating how God wants me to use the gifts He has given me. Jenny and I have had a fruitful ministry in church planting in Guatemala and would happily continue doing so as God leads. However, as God blessed my efforts in TEAM leadership, there were friends and family who expressed that I should consider using my gifts in the International Director role. I don’t believe that everything necessarily rises and falls on leadership, but I do believe that it is a core component in the body of Christ. Using the gifts God has given me is a way that I want to bless the body of Christ in TEAM, making my contribution to the global purposes of God’s mission. Jenny and I spent a lot of time praying about this and decided that I should put my name in for consideration, trusting God’s guidance. We had a tremendous amount of peace throughout the entire process and were blessed by the prayer-filled process that the board undertook. Q: This is a key role in a large and complex organization, and I’m sure this was a big decision for you and your family. What were your fears or concerns? Why did you ultimately decide to accept the position? A: You say “were” like the fears have passed! I still am quite aware of my youth and inexperience - of the responsibility and weight of this role. Mostly, I’m afraid of leading an organization like TEAM in the flesh. Many of the fears that I have faced have been fears rooted in fleshly desires and concerns. I have no desire to succeed in the world’s eyes and fail in the Kingdom of Jesus. Why did I ultimately decide to accept the position? I’m convinced that the Good News about Jesus is true. The tomb is empty, Jesus is King, and the world needs to know, because Jesus is coming back. He will put things in order. He will establish righteousness, peace, and justice for all mankind, and He has commissioned His Church to proclaim and demonstrate His rule and reign. I want to use my gifts to do whatever I can to amplify the proclamation of this message and the multiplication of His Church around the world. Q: What are your goals and vision for the future of TEAM? A: This is something that I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about. I’m certainly not ready to present a fully-shaped vision and goals for TEAM’s future without the input of other people in different contexts in TEAM. But, I will share a few things that I think are important: First, we need to model God-Dependence . I am hopeful that as leaders in TEAM, we can continue to model God-Dependence. As Hudson Taylor said years ago “…God’s work, done in God’s way, will never lack God’s supplies.” I am hopeful that we can increase our sense of faith in God, prayer, and seeking direction from the Spirit. Secondly, we must strengthen our relational fabric . Due to the changes that we have experienced by decentralizing our home office functions, and the challenges from the pandemic, we have experienced a loss of relationships. It is imperative that we intentionally prioritize the building of relationships with one another. I plan to visit our workers and staff, and I am expectant that other key leaders and staff will be doing the same. Third, we must pursue the greater presence of the global Church. The Kingdom of Jesus Christ doesn’t look like any single geopolitical, ethnic, or racial culture. If we want to truly see the Kingdom of Jesus come on earth as it is in heaven, then we as citizens of this Kingdom must learn from one another, submit to one another, and grow with one another. The missional potential of the global Church has been unleashed by God’s Spirit since Acts 1, and we have an opportunity to learn from many brothers and sisters in Christ who can help us to better model and proclaim the Kingdom of Jesus to those who have yet to believe. Lastly, we must increase our Gospel boldness . There are still many places of great spiritual blindness and spiritual brokenness around the world. The apostolic impulse of cross-cultural organizations should call us to the to the edges of where the Kingdom of Jesus is not penetrating. Whether spiritual blindness and brokenness exists because of lack of access, idolatry, injustice, or any other myriad of reasons, I prayerfully hope to see more and more TEAM workers continue to move into spaces of great Gospel need.
By Suzanne Pearson 08 Mar, 2024
Through God-ordained partnerships and creative connections, TEAM worker Keith Moore sees the global Church advancing in amazing ways. In the global missions landscape, a phrase that comes up often is “from everywhere, to everywhere.” God is calling His global Church in literal new directions, as He raises up cross-cultural workers to be sent from places that were once on the receiving end of missions work. We call this movement “polycentric sending.” TEAM workers Dawn and Keith Moore have seen first-hand this transition taking place. Their story involves the unlikely but beautiful intersection of Charlotte, North Carolina; Tegucigalpa, Honduras; and Memphis, Tennessee...and beyond. The Path to Honduras Keith and Dawn joined TEAM in 1991 and served as church planters for nine years in Bogota, Colombia. After safety concerns precipitated their return to the States in 1999, they knew they wanted to continue serving in Latin America. The Moores felt called to Honduras but wanted to connect with a strong missional church to help send them. The Lord orchestrated a collaboration with Bellevue Baptist Church in Memphis, Tennessee. “Some people asked, ‘Why Honduras? Missionaries have been there for 100 years. It’s already reached,’” Keith says. “But there’s a whole section of Latin America that had not been reached - the upper crust.” Keith goes on to explain that he and Dawn felt called to reach college-educated professionals in Honduras – a ministry vision that resonated with the missional goals of Bellevue Baptist. Impact and Growth With the support of this new church partnership as well as another sending church in Birmingham, Alabama, the Moores embarked on their next adventure. Keith and Dawn started Impacto Honduras Church from scratch, and in less than 20 years, the church grew into four locations with 1600 total members. The Moores and other TEAM workers also created a “Bible school” type training program to help professionals who feel a call to ministry to make that transition. Throughout this period of explosive growth, church partnerships played an integral role. “It’s such a different vision when you have a church that says, ‘OK, this is our deal, we want to make this happen,’” Keith explains. “They helped us with everything. They took away every single obstacle to growth. Every time we needed something, they were there.” In 2017, the Moores once again found themselves on the verge of another decision. Was it time to leave Honduras? “I had no desire to leave,” Keith recalls. “People were coming to Christ every week! It was just so amazing.” However, back in the U.S., Keith and Dawn’s parents were in their 80s and would soon be in need of more care. “We realized that either we would leave in a crisis, or we would leave strategically,” says Keith. The couple began to implement a careful succession plan. By the time they left, the four churches were established with strong, Honduran leadership ready to carry on the work of the Gospel.
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