Maintaining Friendships While Living Abroad

Christine Elizabeth • Jul 28, 2020

Long distance friendships are hard. In the last year, whether we live far away or not, we’ve all had to find new and creative ways to maintain relationships while being physically distant from each other. For those of us who live a plane ride away from close friends and family, this is nothing new. Here are some of the ideas and truths I’ve learned over years of maintaining friendships while living abroad .

Choose What Apps Work for You

What a blessing it is to live in an age with such great technology available to us! While Facebook and Instagram are great for getting significant life updates from those you know and love, other apps can be used for more intentional, deeper conversations.

Love seeing the faces of your nieces and nephews? Jump on MarcoPolo and record videos to send back and forth. (The kiddos in your life may request watching your face over and over again.) Process verbally? Download Voxer , and send voice messages with your best friend across the world . Want to have dozens of pictures a week available for you children’s grandparents? Consider getting TinyBeans to distribute photos to a select few family members who want to watch your child grow.

Get Creative

Digital connection can be a place for meaningful conversation. However, sometimes we need something a little more tangible to maintain friendships while living abroad. Consider ordering a book for a friend oceans away with Book Depository (they have free worldwide shipping!) or sending a card with a photo of you on it through Postable. Remember birthdays and anniversaries and graduations, making sure to plan well enough ahead for shipping. Send “just because” cards and packages — one time I sent a friend a “Congratulations on your new couch!” card, telling her that I wished I could join her on it for a cup of coffee .

Do you have, or are you, a grandparent far away from grandkids? The Long Distance Grandparent sends monthly emails with creative ideas for grandparents to connect with their grandchildren.

Facebook isn’t the only way to stay in touch long-distance. Sending books, writing cards and celebrate the small things can all help in maintaining friendships while living abroad.

Know Your Capacity and Know Your People

We have limited capacities for how many people we can stay in touch with, and everyone’s capacity varies. Between learning a new language , making new friends in your host culture and the demands of daily life, we only have so much energy to devote to maintaining friendships while living abroad. This is true no matter how life-giving those friendships may be.

Give yourself a limit for time spent on your phone, if that’s helpful for you. Plan to connect with one or two friends each day, if that is what you need. Also, know which people you want to invest the most time into. I won’t pick up an unexpected phone call from just anyone, but when my brother calls from California, I’ll drop pretty much anything.

Grieve the Loss

Long-distance friendships look different than ones in close proximity. We can’t run over for a quick lunch date or even get creative with “socially distant” hangouts, like a coffee date from the comfort of our cars. I miss weekly dinners with my parents, and it makes me sad that they have to watch my daughter grow up while on video calls. As much as technology allows us to connect, it is still not the same.

Take time to grieve this in your own heart and also talk about it with the relationships where you feel it the most . Write a text or email that says, “I miss you.” Send the recipe you made for dinner, telling your friend that you wish they could join you. Give thanks for the good, and grieve the hard.

Remember That It’s Normal

Cross-cultural Christians are not the only demographic with the challenge of long-distance friendship. My friend’s job moved her to the other side of the country from her parents and friends, and she struggles to keep her family connected. In many countries, families will send one or two members abroad to work and send money back to them.

When my husband and I lived in the Philippines , a common question for getting to know someone was, “Oh, who in your family works abroad?” The struggle of long-distance friendships and family is a common one in the community where we lived. This allowed us to connect with people, since it’s something we were experiencing too.

So, whether you’re preparing to move abroad or you’ve been living long distance for a while, I hope you continue to stay connected in whatever ways you can as you celebrate the possibilities and grieve the losses. What other helpful ideas have you found for maintaining friendships while living abroad?

By Suzanne Pearson 08 Mar, 2024
Through God-ordained partnerships and creative connections, TEAM worker Keith Moore sees the global Church advancing in amazing ways. In the global missions landscape, a phrase that comes up often is “from everywhere, to everywhere.” God is calling His global Church in literal new directions, as He raises up cross-cultural workers to be sent from places that were once on the receiving end of missions work. We call this movement “polycentric sending.” TEAM workers Dawn and Keith Moore have seen first-hand this transition taking place. Their story involves the unlikely but beautiful intersection of Charlotte, North Carolina; Tegucigalpa, Honduras; and Memphis, Tennessee...and beyond. The Path to Honduras Keith and Dawn joined TEAM in 1991 and served as church planters for nine years in Bogota, Colombia. After safety concerns precipitated their return to the States in 1999, they knew they wanted to continue serving in Latin America. The Moores felt called to Honduras but wanted to connect with a strong missional church to help send them. The Lord orchestrated a collaboration with Bellevue Baptist Church in Memphis, Tennessee. “Some people asked, ‘Why Honduras? Missionaries have been there for 100 years. It’s already reached,’” Keith says. “But there’s a whole section of Latin America that had not been reached - the upper crust.” Keith goes on to explain that he and Dawn felt called to reach college-educated professionals in Honduras – a ministry vision that resonated with the missional goals of Bellevue Baptist. Impact and Growth With the support of this new church partnership as well as another sending church in Birmingham, Alabama, the Moores embarked on their next adventure. Keith and Dawn started Impacto Honduras Church from scratch, and in less than 20 years, the church grew into four locations with 1600 total members. The Moores and other TEAM workers also created a “Bible school” type training program to help professionals who feel a call to ministry to make that transition. Throughout this period of explosive growth, church partnerships played an integral role. “It’s such a different vision when you have a church that says, ‘OK, this is our deal, we want to make this happen,’” Keith explains. “They helped us with everything. They took away every single obstacle to growth. Every time we needed something, they were there.” In 2017, the Moores once again found themselves on the verge of another decision. Was it time to leave Honduras? “I had no desire to leave,” Keith recalls. “People were coming to Christ every week! It was just so amazing.” However, back in the U.S., Keith and Dawn’s parents were in their 80s and would soon be in need of more care. “We realized that either we would leave in a crisis, or we would leave strategically,” says Keith. The couple began to implement a careful succession plan. By the time they left, the four churches were established with strong, Honduran leadership ready to carry on the work of the Gospel.
By Suzanne Pearson 23 Feb, 2024
Justin Burkholder, pictured here with his wife Jenny and their daughters Isabella, Olivia, and Zoey, has recently been named as TEAM’s next International Director. On February 19, 2024, with much excitement and gratitude to the Lord, TEAM announced that Justin Burkholder will become our organization’s new International Director, effective July 1, 2024. Justin, who is currently TEAM’s Executive Director of Global Ministry, will assume his new role upon the retirement of the current International Director, Dave Hall. ( Read the full press release here. ) We sat down recently with Justin to learn a little more about his background, his family, and the journey that has led him to TEAM. Q: Tell us a little bit about your “origin story” - Where did you grow up? What was your family like? A: I grew up in Mexico City as a missionary kid. My parents were focused on church planting. We were very close as a family. Both of my parents are still alive, and my dad serves as a pastor in southern Florida. I have one brother who is a pastor in Wisconsin, and the most special individual in my family is my sister, Amber. She was born with a very severe case of cerebral palsy and is entirely dependent on my mother...who is extraordinary! The three most impactful forces that have shaped who I am (outside of God’s grace) are growing up in Mexico, having parents who loved and planted churches, and sharing life with someone with a severe disability. My parents belonged at the time to a church and denomination that came with quite a bit of legalism and performance-oriented Christianity. Grace was a challenging concept to grasp. While I had an awareness of my sin and need for redemption, it wasn’t until I attended Moody Bible Institute that I began to grasp the fullness of God’s grace and His delight in His children. I have continued learning and trusting in the Gospel through formal education, like completing my M.Div., and through spiritual practices in community. Learning the Gospel and believing the Gospel has been a daily exercise. The Gospel is as beautiful and multi-faceted as a diamond! At an individual level, it is simple enough for us to live convinced that “Jesus loves me, this I know.” At a corporate level, it becomes the foundation that forms and informs our life as a spiritual family. At a cosmic level, it is redemption that reaches as far as the curse is found. It is hard to even grasp the multiplicity of goodness found in the Good News. Q: Share a little bit about your family life now. What does a typical day look like in the Burkholder household? A: My wife Jenny is my high-school sweetheart! She brings joy and kindness wherever she goes. She’s the best listener I’ve ever met, and we love spending time together. We have three daughters. Isabella is ten, Olivia is seven, and Zoey is four. Each of the girls is unique and has taught us a lot in our process of following Jesus together. We like to go out on walks and go to the park together. Once a month I try to get some alone time with each of my daughters which usually includes bowling or trampolines. A typical day in the Burkholder house starts around 5:00am. Because of traffic here in Guatemala City, we have to leave early for school. After school, the girls come home to different activities - sometimes swimming class, sometimes piano lessons. Four or five nights a week we have dinner together where we usually talk about our high and low moments of the day. On weekends, we enjoy time together, playing outside, or watching sports together. Go Cubs and Go Buckeyes! Q: What are your interests and hobbies? If you have the day off, what are you likely to be up to? A: I enjoy physical activity, running, strength-training and following sports. I also love music and, truth be told, am a bit snobby about my taste in music! I also am a very curious person and love reading just about anything that passes through my hands. A day off is usually an opportunity for time with family. Jenny and I like to cook something interesting together on our days off. Often there is time for some reading and watching some type of athletic event. Q: How did God lead you to TEAM? A: My wife and I were working in the Chicago suburbs. I was a youth pastor and she was a Spanish teacher. When we got married, we had already sensed God’s direction to serve cross-culturally, but it was a matter of discerning when and where. There was a driving desire in me to see a church deeply love the Scriptures and at the same time, be deeply engaged in loving and serving their city and the most vulnerable among them. As God directed our paths, we visited a variety of places and made some friends in Guatemala who opened up the path for us to serve here. While we were exploring, we knew that the International Director of an organization called TEAM happened to go to our church, so I decided I should probably invite him out for breakfast - his name was Charlie Davis. Charlie was extremely thoughtful, passionate about disciple-making, and very gracious in creating space for us as we stepped into this endeavor. Charlie connected me with Steve Dresselhaus, a fellow TEAM global worker who was at that time serving as the Senior Director for the Americas. I cannot express the debt that I owe Steve. He walked closely with me in the transition, encouraged courageous thinking about the church and her role in society, and blasted open the doors for us to serve in Guatemala. After meeting Steve, we spent some days praying about joining TEAM. One thing I will never forget – one night during the process, I found myself wide awake in the middle of the night. A peace like I have seldom experienced passed over me confirming that we should join TEAM. There is no doubt in my mind that God tied all of these pieces together to bring us into the TEAM family and community. Q: What roles have you held in TEAM? What have been the milestones in those roles? A: The most important role I have held in TEAM is that of a global worker. God in His grace has allowed us to help plant two churches here in Guatemala, serve in leadership development, counseling, and discipleship. Our greatest joy has been found walking with those who are learning to follow Christ more deeply. I served as the Ministry Area Leader in Guatemala from 2016 to 2019. We helped to establish and lead this ministry area as it grew from just four global workers to over 15. I then served as Senior Director for Mexico and Central America from 2019 to 2021, Regional Executive Director for the Americas in 2021 and 2022, and then transitioned to the role of Executive Director of Global Ministry which I’ll continue in until the end of June. Q: What do you love most about being a part of TEAM? Why TEAM rather than other organizations or job opportunities? A: The TEAM community is full of people who have faithfully served God’s mission and have given up a lot to do so. It is a privilege to know many of our global workers and be counted among them. I am also fascinated by the fact that TEAM has existed now for more than 130 years! There is something to be said about the resilience and faithfulness of an organization that has continued to impact the world for so long. The rest of our conversation with Justin will be coming soon on blog! We’ll hear more about how God called Justin to the role of International Director, and what Justin sees for the next chapter in TEAM’s work in the global Church.
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