Should Newlyweds Go to the Mission Field?

Wesley Mills • Sep 27, 2016

In mobilizing folks to the field, I run across people from all walks of life. From the teenager to the young married to the family of five and the retiree. I love that God is calling people of all generations to the nations with his name.

Inevitably, I will meet with engaged couples and those on the verge of engagement. Usually, both people are passionate about going overseas, and now, they want to go together. I can’t think of a more beautiful picture than an earthly marriage telling of the coming, better marriage!

Most couples are eager to get to the field and are prayerfully anticipating what it will be like to live, work and worship in a new culture. But the question often arises: Should newlyweds go to the mission field?

It’s impossible to prescribe a one-size-fits-all answer. But it is possible to wisely consider the implications of each decision.

Think about just some challenges of international ministry:

  • What will learning a new language be like?
  • How extreme will culture shock be, and how long will it last?
  • What is our ministry? How do we define “successful” ministry?
  • How drastic will our lifestyle change be (food habits, transportation, etc.)?
  • Who will be our friends? How long will it take to cultivate meaningful relationships?

Then, think about some challenges of a newly married couple:

A New Bride in a New Culture

Dave and Mary had only been married a year and a half when they arrived to serve in Pakistan. The culture in Pakistan was familiar to Dave because he grew up there as a missionary kid. But for Mary, it was all new.

Mary remembers, “ There were so many stresses on us as a young couple : hours of learning a new language, reading a script that looked more like lines than letters and strong culture shock.

“The Muslim culture was so different for me, but it was almost second nature to Dave. I had a hard time understanding why he didn’t treat me like the other young missionary men treated their wives in public. I am a touchy feely person. I loved to hold my husband’s hand or have him put his arm around me as we were walking. But that doesn’t happen in Pakistan.

“ The day we arrived he changed . I noticed that he never touched me in public. In fact, he would walk three steps in front of me. No matter how fast I walked, I could never catch up. I would watch the other young [missionary] couples that didn’t know the culture. They would be walking to language school hand in hand, but not us.

“It didn’t take long for me to notice all the nationals staring at the other couples. I realized Dave was practicing [the Pakistani] culture, but that didn’t make it any easier for me. I was young and in love!

“I had to have my head covered, and he didn’t. I was hot under all the clothes I had to wear since women have to be ‘covered,’ and he didn’t. Before I knew it, there was a strange jealousy forming between us that we never dealt with in our country. As a young couple, we were just learning to deal with disagreements, much less cultural differences that were turning into divides.

“I fell deep into culture stress and one day could not stop crying. I thank God for a godly, experienced missionary woman that understood and helped me through that time and a loving husband that put his arm around me in our living room with all the doors closed and curtains pulled!”

Questions Newlyweds Should Answer Before Serving

As couples preparing for marriage and missions, it’s important to stress the challenges that both experiences bring separately, much less combined. Starting out your marriage on good footing is vital for any newlywed, and it’s especially crucial for couples considering missions.

Every situation is different and nuanced, so I am not seeking to provide a list of, “Do this, don’t do this,” or “If this, then this.” That would be formulaic for individuals and couples who are complex and intricate. Rather, here are a few questions to consider as you pray about making large life transitions simultaneously.

Who are we? With marriage being such a biblical metaphor for the gospel, knowing who you are as husband and wife can be a powerful tool for showing the love of Christ to an unbelieving world. Learning to model Christ in how he serves the Father and the church is a great launching point for gospel conversations and meaningful relationships. Plus, figuring out what it means to be married on the field can be difficult, so getting a deeper understanding of one another before you go would be beneficial for life and ministry overseas when cultural stressors hit.

What is the cost? When you marry, there are things you learn — communication with your spouse, shared chores at home, physical intimacy and daily rhythms to name a few. Navigating a new marriage is an adjustment for any couple, but navigating it while balancing language learning, culture shock, homesickness and moments of doubt can be very difficult. Counting the cost doesn’t mean resigning to the fact that the aforementioned aspects of newly married life will suffer. However, It does suggest being very intentional about how you pursue your spouse inside marriage given how many external factors could cause stress.

How are we preparing? Stepping into one new culture is hard enough, but stepping into two (marriage and another country) is a lot to process. No one is fully prepared for marriage or missions. But this does not mean they are encouraged to go blindly. The last thing we want is couples who are full of zeal but rush headlong into ministry without stopping, pausing and taking necessary precautions to prepare well. If we look at the life of Jesus, we see that for roughly 30 years, he prepared for a three-year ministry. How much more should we — fallible, fallen people — take time to prepare and pray before jumping into our respective ministries?

Action Steps for Newlyweds Before Going Overseas

As you prepare for ministry as a couple, here are a few (though not comprehensive) actionable steps you can take today.

Consider a mentor couple with cross-cultural experience . Most of the time, experience breeds wisdom. There are few things more valuable than an older, wiser couple who know the path of hardship and can help direct your steps. Whether you choose to go right after you’re married or not, mentorship will be invaluable to your marriage and ministry.

Consider serving together now. Ministry life can be frustrating when you’re familiar with the language and people, so imagine ministry life in another country. As you and your spouse pray toward the nations, consider what it would be like to walk in tandem in local ministry first. Think about one another’s passions and interests. Is it youth ministry? College students? Teaching English? It’s good to have a gauge on what the other one does well and how can you support them — and possibly serve with them now, before you move.

Consider one another. Cross-cultural work requires sacrifice. Giving up comfort, accepting risk and entering the unknowns are all part of missionary work. And yet, out of all the things that will be sacrificed, your spouse should never be one of them. In preparing for ministry overseas, resolve now that your spouse will always take precedent. Do not sacrifice your marriage at the altar of your ministry.

Should Newlyweds Go to the Mission Field?

Ultimately, it’s up to each couple to prayerfully ask the Lord how to weigh the options in light of a calling to both marriage and missions. Understanding no person or situation is the same, some missions organizations generally suggest couples take at least a year or two to be married instead of rushing to the field upon walking down the aisle.

Understand that marriage and missions are not pitted against one another. Rather, a thriving marriage accomplishes the mission. Unhealthy marriages do not depict the future kingdom, but healthy ones point to the gospel and the ultimate marriage in Christ.

Loving Like Jesus Cross-Culturally (Part 1)

By Megan Lunsford • 23 Apr, 2024
When seeking to serve cross-culturally with an authentic love for others, there’s no better example for us than Jesus. If we sat around a table and threw out the question, “How do we love like Jesus?” I think we would have several commonalities as we respond. For example, Jesus loved all people right where they were. He loved those who were deemed the least, those hardest to love, or those who were His enemies. These are all beautiful realities of the heart of Jesus. When we step into relationships, it can be easier to take on the warmer, more gracious gestures of Jesus’ love, especially in cross-cultural relationships. Think about it––when doing life with those who look and act differently than us, we are already out of our comfort zones and would rather keep things as simple and familiar as possible. But there are other facets of Jesus’ heart we often overlook that can transform us and others even more into His likeness. Jesus is love because God is love. Everything Jesus did was out of love; it’s the mere definition of who He is. As followers of Jesus, He calls us to the same: “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.” (1 John:7-12) Every display of love we offer to others is an opportunity for them to encounter the ultimate love of the Father. That’s a pretty big deal! In this article, we’ll look at three expressions of Jesus’ love that we tend to overlook when engaging others cross-culturally. (Next month, we’ll look at three more.) 1. Jesus loved sacrificially. Everywhere Jesus went, crowds followed Him. We even see times in Scripture where Jesus had plans to step away for time alone but those who were hurting found Him and He had compassion on them and stayed with them. Can you imagine rarely having any time to yourself but, instead, constantly being surrounded by crowds of people wanting help from you? Jesus loved sacrificially. He welcomed all who came to Him with love and compassion, never turning anyone away. “When He saw the crowds, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” (Matthew 9:36) In the same way, we can make room in our lives for Jesus to bring sacrificial interruptions which, in His eyes, are orchestrated encounters to transfer His love to others. It can be tempting to be so “on mission” that we are full steam ahead and find ourselves frustrated when the Holy Spirit sends an interruption into our path that we feel we don’t have time for. Or, perhaps, we have scheduled a meet-up but it’s the norm in another culture to be 30 minutes or an hour late. We anxiously think through how it will affect whatever we have planned next. While it’s normal to feel a little stressed, what if the very "interruption” standing in front of you was really a divine appointment sent by God? Or what if that person running late experiences how peaceful and gracious you are in adapting to their culture and therefore, they can encounter a beautiful display of Jesus’ love? To truly represent Christ, we should remain ready and willing for each assignment the Lord sends into our path, no matter the cost or how much we will have to re-route our day. He is always a hundred steps ahead and will work all things for His glory and our good. 2. Jesus loved by discerning each situation well. Think about how many situations Jesus had to respond to on a daily basis. We read in Scripture that there were lines of people waiting to be healed by Him, talk to Him, hear His teachings, or simply touch the hem of His robe. Jesus was fully dependent on His Father to discern each situation before addressing it. “Most assuredly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner.” (John 5:19) Another temptation we can have when in a relationship with those God has sent us to is to think we already know the solution or what God wants to do before we’ve even asked Him. We believe we are full of knowledge, so we just pull from the bank we have stored within and go with it. However, when we access what is familiar to us as our default, we risk missing out on a God-given solution that might truly be the key to unlocking whatever challenge is in front of us. What does this look like when interacting with others? We can simply ask, “God, what is on Your heart for the person standing in front of me?” Then we listen and respond as He speaks. When we make it a daily habit to pause and hear God’s heart for each situation before responding, we are guaranteed to be effective in loving those around us. He knows the heart of every person that will cross our paths. Imagine how impactful we can be if we first lean on His wisdom and discernment before moving forward. 3. Jesus loved by speaking truth. Most of us are familiar with the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well. If we are honest, this conversation makes us a bit nervous as none of us would be comfortable with Jesus calling out intimate details of our lives that we would prefer to hide. But Jesus went further than just airing her dirty laundry. He offered her the hope of the Gospel and a relationship with Him - a divine fulfillment that could never be found in an earthly relationship. Jesus modeled a powerful example of loving others well cross-culturally. He took the low place and spoke truth, truly out of love––speaking to her heart from His. Like Jesus, our goal in sharing the truths about Him and His Word is to bring hope and satisfaction through Him alone. When we speak truth from Scripture, we are calling others higher into all God has for them. The tricky part here is we should avoid speaking truth if it isn’t first fueled by compassion. If it merely comes from a place of judgment, condemnation, or self-righteousness, it will fall flat 100% of the time. But if it truly comes from love, you are likely to not only win a heart back to the Father but, like the story of the Samaritan woman, even an entire village! If you see someone living outside of God’s best for their lives, ask God to show you your heart before engaging theirs. Once your heart is properly postured, you can speak truth out of an overflow of God’s love and trust Him for a transformation in their lives.

Hospitality, Help, and the Hope of the Gospel

By Suzanne Pearson • 16 Apr, 2024
TEAM Canada provides warm welcome and trusted friendships for diaspora populations living far from their native countries. As TEAM Canada workers Peter and Ruth (names changed) drive from their home to a nearby community center, they pass numerous apartment buildings and townhouses. Most of the families who live there are immigrants. They’ve left their countries of origin due to political unrest, trauma, and other difficulties. They’ve left family, friends, homes, jobs, and personal wealth behind. They search for peace, justice for the oppressed, and rest from fear and weariness. And as they adjust to a new country and a new language, they are often very isolated from others around them. “The sad reality is most immigrants are never even invited inside a Canadian home,” says Ruth. Peter and Ruth and their team try to change that reality. For the last nine years, the team, which includes workers from partner organizations as well as volunteers, has held English classes at the community center. Three days a week, over 60 students from more than 20 countries come together to learn English as well as to fellowship together and receive practical help in assimilating to a new normal. Meeting Needs and Building Trust That practical help may come in the form of procuring furniture, clothes, or dishes for newcomers, assistance with creating a resume and finding a job, or teaching people how to navigate Canadian laws and the medical system. As these tangible needs are met, relationships are built. “We invite them into our homes for meals and games,” Ruth shares. “We take them on hiking trips, picnics, outings, and out for coffee.” This is particularly important in this type of ministry because most immigrants come to Canada from cultures that value hospitality. Conversely, Canadians do not typically prioritize hospitality and consequently many newcomers feel lonely and isolated. Inviting folks to various gatherings and outings allows the team to spend extended time hearing people’s stories, struggles, hopes, and dreams. When she speaks about building friendships, Ruth’s heart for the people she serves is evident. “Hearing their stories, it’s easy to love them, and many have become close friends,” Ruth says. “We recognize the value of steady one-on-one relationships.”
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