Preparing for Missions: 6 Tips for a Healthy Goodbye

Mary Beth Fussner • Apr 26, 2017

When Jesus told us to “go to all the world,” “ go ” meant leave !

Leave home. Leave family. Leave what’s familiar, and go to what is strange to you.

For a missionary, all the studying, fundraising, preparation and planning marches inexorably to this point: time to “go.” Two letters. One small step into the aircraft door. One big turning point.

That moment can be an intensely lonely moment, both for those leaving and those who are left. However, both parties are in company with a lot of people in today’s world. Jerry Jones , a blogger who lives in China and writes for expatriates all over the world, cites the following statistics:

That’s a lot of leaving!

How does a person navigate this threshold well?

I’ve “left” a number of times through my life, and I’ve also been left. Sometimes I left well, and other times, I didn’t.

To me, leaving well means having your relationships intact at the end and arriving at your destination with some gas still left in your emotional tank. There’s no rule book, and no two people have the same experience of leaving.

If you are the one leaving, here are some tips to strengthen yourself and those you love.

Clear up relationship breakages as much as possible.

This is an opportunity to make sure you have cleared up any unresolved conflicts.

I think this responsibility usually falls to the one leaving. If you’re even thinking about a situation as you read this, you will likely have to take the initiative on this one. It’s not easy, but it’s so important.

If you leave without doing this, you’ll carry too much weight with you. And you’ll leave a wake behind you. It’s really important. I know. I’ve experienced it and wished I could have a do-over.

Express love and affirmation.

This is an opportunity to celebrate your relationships and affirm those you love.

Say the loving words, give the hugs, make time to be together and express how special this person is to you.

Don’t be afraid to tell each other how the leaving makes you feel. Sometimes we think we should not let the other person see that this hurts because we are trying to make it easier on them.

It’s not uncommon for people to fight just before they have to say goodbye to each other. Anger can be a response to pain; it would be easier to say goodbye while I’m mad at you. Only it’s not, really.

If someone is avoiding you, it may be an attempt to avoid the pain of saying goodbye. It may be your friend or loved one feels rejection because you’ve chosen to leave. At least make an effort to reach out to this person and express your affection.

For even more from Beth, check out her best tips for leaving well in the video below.

Be kind to yourself.

This is a physically and emotionally demanding experience. Get good nutrition and rest.

Many people get sick just before they leave. Our physical and spiritual beings are tied together, and when we are experiencing extra stress, our immune systems get overloaded.

Give yourself time to exercise, even briefly; take those vitamins, and eat carefully. It’s hard because everyone wants to treat you to those last special meals. Taste everything, but don’t overload. “YOLO” is not your motto here!

Ask for help.

Think of practical ways people can help you, such as shopping for you, sealing boxes, moving large items, cleaning, babysitting, providing meals, etc. When they ask, tell them what they can do!

On my latest move, two people asked if they could help me. They weren’t people who were especially close to me, and I was hesitant to say yes. But I did need help packing kitchen and household goods, so I accepted. We got a lot done that day. And we also shared, cried and prayed together. I heard stories I had never heard from them before.

Manage your emotions.

The stress of moving overseas will affect your emotions — maybe even in some ways that surprise you.

You may go stone cold and silent, focusing on your tasks and not letting yourself think about the sadness of leaving. That works for getting things done. It doesn’t work for “heart” health. Remember, there are emotions under there that you’ll need to process at some point. Be grateful you can function to accomplish necessary tasks, but be aware of how your emotions may surface in other ways.

You may be weepy and find it hard to concentrate. Do what you can when you can, even if it’s the middle of the night! Don’t believe your dire and anxious thoughts; believe the promises God gave you for this time.

You may be really excited about finally going to the place you’ve been thinking and talking about! But you might also feel guilty because others around you are sad you’re leaving. Embrace the paradox. Rather than canceling each other out, joy and pain can exist together!

You may have nightmares and struggle with anxiety. Pray for protection for your mind and heart. Then, think of this time as “choppy waters,” and ask for grace to ride through it.

Be on your guard spiritually.

The first time I left as a missionary, our term was to be four years. As I packed my suitcases, a voice said very clearly in my head, “ You will never see your mother again.

My heart nearly stopped, and all the strength went out of my body. Woodenly, I continued doing all that needed to be done, but I could barely breathe. Was God warning me that this would be the last goodbye? I told no one, not even my husband until we were on the other side of the ocean.

As it turned out, this was a lie. My mother visited me twice in our country of service; she was able to enjoy my children and watch them grow up, and I was with her when she crossed her own threshold into the next life.

Remember, there is one who opposes your act of obedience to Christ’s call to “go” — and he will try to harass and intimidate you.

It’s a hard lesson to learn, but we must test the spirits. Jesus will never make me afraid and weak. He will look straight into my eyes and tell me I am His and we can do this together.

I remember parting with my college-age son as we left for our last overseas assignment. He stood and watched us walk down the airport corridor as far as he could see us. When we had to turn the corner and his figure was no longer visible, my knees nearly buckled.

How grateful I was that Jesus said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” He would be with my son. He would be with me. I could go.

By Suzanne Pearson 08 Mar, 2024
Through God-ordained partnerships and creative connections, TEAM worker Keith Moore sees the global Church advancing in amazing ways. In the global missions landscape, a phrase that comes up often is “from everywhere, to everywhere.” God is calling His global Church in literal new directions, as He raises up cross-cultural workers to be sent from places that were once on the receiving end of missions work. We call this movement “polycentric sending.” TEAM workers Dawn and Keith Moore have seen first-hand this transition taking place. Their story involves the unlikely but beautiful intersection of Charlotte, North Carolina; Tegucigalpa, Honduras; and Memphis, Tennessee...and beyond. The Path to Honduras Keith and Dawn joined TEAM in 1991 and served as church planters for nine years in Bogota, Colombia. After safety concerns precipitated their return to the States in 1999, they knew they wanted to continue serving in Latin America. The Moores felt called to Honduras but wanted to connect with a strong missional church to help send them. The Lord orchestrated a collaboration with Bellevue Baptist Church in Memphis, Tennessee. “Some people asked, ‘Why Honduras? Missionaries have been there for 100 years. It’s already reached,’” Keith says. “But there’s a whole section of Latin America that had not been reached - the upper crust.” Keith goes on to explain that he and Dawn felt called to reach college-educated professionals in Honduras – a ministry vision that resonated with the missional goals of Bellevue Baptist. Impact and Growth With the support of this new church partnership as well as another sending church in Birmingham, Alabama, the Moores embarked on their next adventure. Keith and Dawn started Impacto Honduras Church from scratch, and in less than 20 years, the church grew into four locations with 1600 total members. The Moores and other TEAM workers also created a “Bible school” type training program to help professionals who feel a call to ministry to make that transition. Throughout this period of explosive growth, church partnerships played an integral role. “It’s such a different vision when you have a church that says, ‘OK, this is our deal, we want to make this happen,’” Keith explains. “They helped us with everything. They took away every single obstacle to growth. Every time we needed something, they were there.” In 2017, the Moores once again found themselves on the verge of another decision. Was it time to leave Honduras? “I had no desire to leave,” Keith recalls. “People were coming to Christ every week! It was just so amazing.” However, back in the U.S., Keith and Dawn’s parents were in their 80s and would soon be in need of more care. “We realized that either we would leave in a crisis, or we would leave strategically,” says Keith. The couple began to implement a careful succession plan. By the time they left, the four churches were established with strong, Honduran leadership ready to carry on the work of the Gospel.
By Suzanne Pearson 23 Feb, 2024
Justin Burkholder, pictured here with his wife Jenny and their daughters Isabella, Olivia, and Zoey, has recently been named as TEAM’s next International Director. On February 19, 2024, with much excitement and gratitude to the Lord, TEAM announced that Justin Burkholder will become our organization’s new International Director, effective July 1, 2024. Justin, who is currently TEAM’s Executive Director of Global Ministry, will assume his new role upon the retirement of the current International Director, Dave Hall. ( Read the full press release here. ) We sat down recently with Justin to learn a little more about his background, his family, and the journey that has led him to TEAM. Q: Tell us a little bit about your “origin story” - Where did you grow up? What was your family like? A: I grew up in Mexico City as a missionary kid. My parents were focused on church planting. We were very close as a family. Both of my parents are still alive, and my dad serves as a pastor in southern Florida. I have one brother who is a pastor in Wisconsin, and the most special individual in my family is my sister, Amber. She was born with a very severe case of cerebral palsy and is entirely dependent on my mother...who is extraordinary! The three most impactful forces that have shaped who I am (outside of God’s grace) are growing up in Mexico, having parents who loved and planted churches, and sharing life with someone with a severe disability. My parents belonged at the time to a church and denomination that came with quite a bit of legalism and performance-oriented Christianity. Grace was a challenging concept to grasp. While I had an awareness of my sin and need for redemption, it wasn’t until I attended Moody Bible Institute that I began to grasp the fullness of God’s grace and His delight in His children. I have continued learning and trusting in the Gospel through formal education, like completing my M.Div., and through spiritual practices in community. Learning the Gospel and believing the Gospel has been a daily exercise. The Gospel is as beautiful and multi-faceted as a diamond! At an individual level, it is simple enough for us to live convinced that “Jesus loves me, this I know.” At a corporate level, it becomes the foundation that forms and informs our life as a spiritual family. At a cosmic level, it is redemption that reaches as far as the curse is found. It is hard to even grasp the multiplicity of goodness found in the Good News. Q: Share a little bit about your family life now. What does a typical day look like in the Burkholder household? A: My wife Jenny is my high-school sweetheart! She brings joy and kindness wherever she goes. She’s the best listener I’ve ever met, and we love spending time together. We have three daughters. Isabella is ten, Olivia is seven, and Zoey is four. Each of the girls is unique and has taught us a lot in our process of following Jesus together. We like to go out on walks and go to the park together. Once a month I try to get some alone time with each of my daughters which usually includes bowling or trampolines. A typical day in the Burkholder house starts around 5:00am. Because of traffic here in Guatemala City, we have to leave early for school. After school, the girls come home to different activities - sometimes swimming class, sometimes piano lessons. Four or five nights a week we have dinner together where we usually talk about our high and low moments of the day. On weekends, we enjoy time together, playing outside, or watching sports together. Go Cubs and Go Buckeyes! Q: What are your interests and hobbies? If you have the day off, what are you likely to be up to? A: I enjoy physical activity, running, strength-training and following sports. I also love music and, truth be told, am a bit snobby about my taste in music! I also am a very curious person and love reading just about anything that passes through my hands. A day off is usually an opportunity for time with family. Jenny and I like to cook something interesting together on our days off. Often there is time for some reading and watching some type of athletic event. Q: How did God lead you to TEAM? A: My wife and I were working in the Chicago suburbs. I was a youth pastor and she was a Spanish teacher. When we got married, we had already sensed God’s direction to serve cross-culturally, but it was a matter of discerning when and where. There was a driving desire in me to see a church deeply love the Scriptures and at the same time, be deeply engaged in loving and serving their city and the most vulnerable among them. As God directed our paths, we visited a variety of places and made some friends in Guatemala who opened up the path for us to serve here. While we were exploring, we knew that the International Director of an organization called TEAM happened to go to our church, so I decided I should probably invite him out for breakfast - his name was Charlie Davis. Charlie was extremely thoughtful, passionate about disciple-making, and very gracious in creating space for us as we stepped into this endeavor. Charlie connected me with Steve Dresselhaus, a fellow TEAM global worker who was at that time serving as the Senior Director for the Americas. I cannot express the debt that I owe Steve. He walked closely with me in the transition, encouraged courageous thinking about the church and her role in society, and blasted open the doors for us to serve in Guatemala. After meeting Steve, we spent some days praying about joining TEAM. One thing I will never forget – one night during the process, I found myself wide awake in the middle of the night. A peace like I have seldom experienced passed over me confirming that we should join TEAM. There is no doubt in my mind that God tied all of these pieces together to bring us into the TEAM family and community. Q: What roles have you held in TEAM? What have been the milestones in those roles? A: The most important role I have held in TEAM is that of a global worker. God in His grace has allowed us to help plant two churches here in Guatemala, serve in leadership development, counseling, and discipleship. Our greatest joy has been found walking with those who are learning to follow Christ more deeply. I served as the Ministry Area Leader in Guatemala from 2016 to 2019. We helped to establish and lead this ministry area as it grew from just four global workers to over 15. I then served as Senior Director for Mexico and Central America from 2019 to 2021, Regional Executive Director for the Americas in 2021 and 2022, and then transitioned to the role of Executive Director of Global Ministry which I’ll continue in until the end of June. Q: What do you love most about being a part of TEAM? Why TEAM rather than other organizations or job opportunities? A: The TEAM community is full of people who have faithfully served God’s mission and have given up a lot to do so. It is a privilege to know many of our global workers and be counted among them. I am also fascinated by the fact that TEAM has existed now for more than 130 years! There is something to be said about the resilience and faithfulness of an organization that has continued to impact the world for so long. The rest of our conversation with Justin will be coming soon on blog! We’ll hear more about how God called Justin to the role of International Director, and what Justin sees for the next chapter in TEAM’s work in the global Church.
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