Preparing for Missions: 6 Tips for a Healthy Goodbye

Mary Beth Fussner • Apr 26, 2017

When Jesus told us to “go to all the world,” “ go ” meant leave !

Leave home. Leave family. Leave what’s familiar, and go to what is strange to you.

For a missionary, all the studying, fundraising, preparation and planning marches inexorably to this point: time to “go.” Two letters. One small step into the aircraft door. One big turning point.

That moment can be an intensely lonely moment, both for those leaving and those who are left. However, both parties are in company with a lot of people in today’s world. Jerry Jones , a blogger who lives in China and writes for expatriates all over the world, cites the following statistics:

That’s a lot of leaving!

How does a person navigate this threshold well?

I’ve “left” a number of times through my life, and I’ve also been left. Sometimes I left well, and other times, I didn’t.

To me, leaving well means having your relationships intact at the end and arriving at your destination with some gas still left in your emotional tank. There’s no rule book, and no two people have the same experience of leaving.

If you are the one leaving, here are some tips to strengthen yourself and those you love.

Clear up relationship breakages as much as possible.

This is an opportunity to make sure you have cleared up any unresolved conflicts.

I think this responsibility usually falls to the one leaving. If you’re even thinking about a situation as you read this, you will likely have to take the initiative on this one. It’s not easy, but it’s so important.

If you leave without doing this, you’ll carry too much weight with you. And you’ll leave a wake behind you. It’s really important. I know. I’ve experienced it and wished I could have a do-over.

Express love and affirmation.

This is an opportunity to celebrate your relationships and affirm those you love.

Say the loving words, give the hugs, make time to be together and express how special this person is to you.

Don’t be afraid to tell each other how the leaving makes you feel. Sometimes we think we should not let the other person see that this hurts because we are trying to make it easier on them.

It’s not uncommon for people to fight just before they have to say goodbye to each other. Anger can be a response to pain; it would be easier to say goodbye while I’m mad at you. Only it’s not, really.

If someone is avoiding you, it may be an attempt to avoid the pain of saying goodbye. It may be your friend or loved one feels rejection because you’ve chosen to leave. At least make an effort to reach out to this person and express your affection.

For even more from Beth, check out her best tips for leaving well in the video below.

Be kind to yourself.

This is a physically and emotionally demanding experience. Get good nutrition and rest.

Many people get sick just before they leave. Our physical and spiritual beings are tied together, and when we are experiencing extra stress, our immune systems get overloaded.

Give yourself time to exercise, even briefly; take those vitamins, and eat carefully. It’s hard because everyone wants to treat you to those last special meals. Taste everything, but don’t overload. “YOLO” is not your motto here!

Ask for help.

Think of practical ways people can help you, such as shopping for you, sealing boxes, moving large items, cleaning, babysitting, providing meals, etc. When they ask, tell them what they can do!

On my latest move, two people asked if they could help me. They weren’t people who were especially close to me, and I was hesitant to say yes. But I did need help packing kitchen and household goods, so I accepted. We got a lot done that day. And we also shared, cried and prayed together. I heard stories I had never heard from them before.

Manage your emotions.

The stress of moving overseas will affect your emotions — maybe even in some ways that surprise you.

You may go stone cold and silent, focusing on your tasks and not letting yourself think about the sadness of leaving. That works for getting things done. It doesn’t work for “heart” health. Remember, there are emotions under there that you’ll need to process at some point. Be grateful you can function to accomplish necessary tasks, but be aware of how your emotions may surface in other ways.

You may be weepy and find it hard to concentrate. Do what you can when you can, even if it’s the middle of the night! Don’t believe your dire and anxious thoughts; believe the promises God gave you for this time.

You may be really excited about finally going to the place you’ve been thinking and talking about! But you might also feel guilty because others around you are sad you’re leaving. Embrace the paradox. Rather than canceling each other out, joy and pain can exist together!

You may have nightmares and struggle with anxiety. Pray for protection for your mind and heart. Then, think of this time as “choppy waters,” and ask for grace to ride through it.

Be on your guard spiritually.

The first time I left as a missionary, our term was to be four years. As I packed my suitcases, a voice said very clearly in my head, “ You will never see your mother again.

My heart nearly stopped, and all the strength went out of my body. Woodenly, I continued doing all that needed to be done, but I could barely breathe. Was God warning me that this would be the last goodbye? I told no one, not even my husband until we were on the other side of the ocean.

As it turned out, this was a lie. My mother visited me twice in our country of service; she was able to enjoy my children and watch them grow up, and I was with her when she crossed her own threshold into the next life.

Remember, there is one who opposes your act of obedience to Christ’s call to “go” — and he will try to harass and intimidate you.

It’s a hard lesson to learn, but we must test the spirits. Jesus will never make me afraid and weak. He will look straight into my eyes and tell me I am His and we can do this together.

I remember parting with my college-age son as we left for our last overseas assignment. He stood and watched us walk down the airport corridor as far as he could see us. When we had to turn the corner and his figure was no longer visible, my knees nearly buckled.

How grateful I was that Jesus said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” He would be with my son. He would be with me. I could go.

By Emily Sheddan 18 Jul, 2024
TEAM worker Luke Standridge and his fellow musicians use music to build connections to faith in Japan. In music terms, dissonance creates movement or even suspense in a song. It invites tension. That tension is what helps grab our ear’s attention and the interchanging of these notes with pleasant melodious parts is what makes music such a delight. In a similar way, God is using music to grab people’s attention and catalyze Gospel impact in the largely unreached nation of Japan. TEAM Global Worker, Luke Standridge moved to Japan in 2019 with no clear direction on how he was going to use his passion for composing music while doing ministry. However, after Luke got involved with a local church and began developing deep friendships, the Lord opened unimaginable doors for Luke that in time, coordinating his creative skills with sharing the Word. “People Need to Come to Japan!” Growing up as one of ten kids in a family that was heavily involved in ministry and missions, Luke never considered that it would one day be a part of his own journey. In 2016, via a Japanese language learning class in Indiana, Luke and his brother had the opportunity to travel to Japan. Hearing, learning, and using the language in the context of Japanese culture was the goal. While it was Luke’s first international trip – even his first trip on a plane - it was also his first time hearing about the spiritual condition of the Japanese people. “And just through that, God did a huge 180 change on my heart,” says Luke. “More people should come here as global workers. People need to come to Japan!” The call God was laying on Luke’s heart is echoed when looking at the spiritual landscape of Japan. The nation is home to the second largest unreached people group in the world. It is one of the most difficult places for the Gospel to take hold and grow. Japan is also home to a deep and rich culture that prizes creative arts from pottery to ink to music to anime – a fact that would help Luke find his niche in life and ministry. God’s Guiding Hand In the short three-month timespan of that first trip, Luke found that opportunities came naturally to share about life, and people’s curiosity for Christianity grew. “I left Japan knowing I just had to come back,” Luke shares. “Even if I didn’t get back to the same area, I knew Japan was where God wanted me to be.” The Lord is good all the time and all the time the Lord is good. His plans do not fail. Luke returned to Japan in 2019, and less than a week after arriving, he was put in touch with a renowned composer in Japan. The composer saw some of Luke’s music and invited him to help write the music for a beloved in-country animated show. But God wasn’t finished yet! Fast forward a year, and more connections and opportunities allowed Luke to help with music for Pokémon - a franchise that has brand recognition around the world and was being developed into a TV series in Japan. Luke recalls how the Lord began using these connections in the production world to open doors for Gospel conversations. One night while having dinner in downtown Tokyo with famous artists and composers from all around the country, Luke was asked about his ministry-focused visa. This was a rare opportunity in a setting with people otherwise uninterested in Christianity. Luke shares, “The whole time I could see God’s hand in guiding the entire thing.”
By Lorena de la Rosa and Suzanne Pearson 13 Jun, 2024
Through creative arts and other forms of innovative outreach, “The Neighborhood” is creating connections to the Gospel and the love of Jesus. CONNECTION. It’s a common word with powerful implications. Dictionary.com defines connection as a joining or linking together; a relationship between people or objects that unites or binds them together. God has created each of us with a deep need for connection with Him as well as connection with others. Hebrews 10:24-25 speaks to this, as the writer exhorts, “Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” This God-given need for connection lies at the heart of a creative and innovative ministry in Japan known as “The Neighborhood.” TEAM Japan global worker, Kelly and her family created The Neighborhood as a place where connections are formed through creative arts, educational opportunities, and simply just providing a space for people to be together. A Family Calling The journey to the creation of The Neighborhood began over 5,000 miles away from Tokyo, in California where Kelly, her husband Jeff, and their five children were living. The kids were the first to sense God’s calling to missions, and asked why their family wasn’t serving in this way. How Kelly and her family came to TEAM is a God-story in and of itself. “God placed a TEAM Japan worker at our lunch table the same week that the kids posed that question to us,” Kelly recalls. “We had never heard of TEAM and so we thought, ‘let’s check this out.’ After that, God just kept confirming that we were supposed to be here.” After a period of fundraising and with much excitement, the family of seven moved to Japan in 2014. For the first five years, Kelly and Jeff served as a part of other TEAM ministry initiatives, but they began to sense a stirring for something new. Creating The Neighborhood Kelly and her family truly have a deep gift for hospitality, and regularly opened up their home to others they met in Tokyo. They saw a great need for people to have a place to gather and connect, and they wondered what doors the Lord might be opening for them to meet that need. “About a year before we were to return the States on home assignment, we were just really thinking about our future in Japan,” Kelly says. “We saw a need for people to have a ‘third place’ – a place that’s not home and it’s not work. They didn’t have a church community or any other place where they could meet people and just connect.” Kelly goes on to explain that in Japan, the culture is such that people don’t generally invite each other into their homes, but as her family did so, people embraced that opportunity. “This idea formed in all of our hearts of a student ministry center – a place where we can create community and learning,” says Kelly. “It was born out of what we were already doing in our home, but seeing how we could expand it and have better space.” God’s Provision What happened next is a true testament to God’s provision. Kelly, Jeff, and the kids returned to the States and began sharing their vision for The Neighborhood with their supporters and churches who responded generously. Upon returning to Japan, the search was on for the right space. “We had a Christian realtor that we told our dream to, and he just went looking for it,” Kelly recalls. When the realtor found a 5-story apartment building, he said, “It’s kind of out of your budget but it has what you need and want.” The Lord provided the funds and the family moved into the space in November 2019. They now occupy all but the ground floor, with living space for their family as well as classrooms, areas to study or hang out, and guest rooms for exchange students or others who need a place to stay overnight. The first floor is occupied by a pizza shop – a welcome amenity for the many groups and students who visit The Neighborhood. “It’s very convenient!” Kelly says with a laugh. The Neighborhood began to see lots of activity right away until the pandemic hit in early 2020. During the height of the quarantine, Kelly and Jeff used the time to redecorate the space and plant gardens outside the building. Then as the restrictions eased, they invited individual students or families over for meals and fellowship. It wasn’t until March 2023 that The Neighborhood was able to fully open again as intended. Kelly shares that despite the setbacks of COVID, the Lord continued to provide the funds to pay the rent.
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