When Missionaries Leave Adult Children Behind

Bethany DuVal • May 10, 2019

If Jocelyn Potter and her boyfriend didn’t get engaged and married in the next four months, they would have to wait years to try again. That is, if they wanted Jocelyn’s parents to be there and not just watching the video in the Zimbabwean bush.

Jocelyn’s mom and stepdad, Cheryl and Dave Jereb , were TEAM missionaries on home assignment. They had about four months to visit friends and family and then return to Zimbabwe .

So, Jocelyn and her boyfriend got engaged and planned the wedding in three months.

“We scheduled the wedding for a Friday, and their plane ticket … was for Monday,” Jocelyn says. “We literally pushed it as far as humanly possible.”

It was a huge victory — but just one of many challenges Jocelyn’s family would face . In the years since, they’ve dealt with separation during pregnancy, life-threatening illnesses and the raising of grandkids.

And they’re not alone. More and more retirees and late-in-career Christians are leaving their adult kids for the mission field. And it’s forcing families to ask the question, “What do you do when parents become missionaries after the kids are grown?”

Start the Missionary Journey Together

In 2014, Anna Price moved from Kentucky to Texas so she could be near her parents. So, it came as a surprise when God called her parents to ministry in Croatia just three years later.

Not only that, but their assignment started in three months.

“It was one of those things that at first was like, ‘No way, that’s crazy,’” Anna says.

Anna’s faith helped her understand — and even celebrate — her parents’ new roles overseas. But other family members struggled.

“I know it could feel like they’re playing a God card to go on a new adventure,” Anna says. So, she advises missionaries to take care in explaining what they’re going to do and why they feel the work is important.

Nick Coover spends time with his parents on the mission field in the snowy mountains.

Before Ken and Marilyn Coover left for the mission field, they wanted to be sure their son, Nick, and his wife (center) felt peace about it. Photo courtesy of Marilyn Coover.

Other adult missionary kids expressed how important it was to feel that their opinions mattered to their parents.

When Aaron Vander Mey’s parents started considering missions in Mexico , they asked their kids to pray with them about the decision.

“I thought it was good that they included us in that,” Aaron says. “You know, wanting to hear from their adult children what they thought God was saying. So kind of allowing God to speak to us, too.”

And when Nick Coover’s parents left for Germany , they asked for Nick’s blessing, the same way an adult child might ask for their parents’. Before leaving adult children for the mission field, make sure they feel heard and understand why you’re going.

Remember, You’re All Siblings in Christ

In many ways, missions as a second career turns the parent-child relationship on its head. For the first time, children have to release their parents to God, trusting Him to take care of them in the great, big world.

When Jocelyn’s mom told her about teenage boys who threw rocks at her, Jocelyn’s gut instinct was to get on a plane and “beat some boys.” And at one point, Aaron anxiously watched news stories about American adults being kidnapped in Mexico.

“I was actually really worried. …. If something like that happened, what in the world would I do?” Aaron says.

But both Aaron and Jocelyn remind themselves that their parents’ risks are worth the eternal rewards . They remember that their parents are, ultimately, fellow believers who have to follow God regardless of the cost.

“I had to face it [that] if something ever happened to my mom, you know what, that’s really cool that God sees her as someone … who even has lived a life worthy to be called a martyr,” Jocelyn says.

Get Creative to Stay in Touch

In the day to day, modern technology makes it a little easier to release your parents or leave your adult children behind. But the big thing is finding what works for your family .

Aaron’s family uses a Bible study app , where all three generations can go through a Bible study together and leave comments on what impacted them. Anna and her mom started watching the same TV show so they would have something fun to share.

Other families use voice messaging apps like Marco Polo or share photos of the grandkids through apps like FamilyAlbum . To their surprise, Jocelyn’s parents found that Facebook Messenger had the best video chatting options for the bush of Zimbabwe.

“Finding common grounds in technology and what will work for your family is key,” Nick says.

Visit the Mission Field

The grandchildren of missionaries get to spend time with their grandkids on their mission field in Mexico

Christy De Man’s children still talk about the time they saw their grandparents’ ministry in Mexico. Photo courtesy of Christy De Man.

Long distance communication also becomes easier if adult children can visit parents on the mission field at least once. Even a week can make a lasting difference.

After her parents had been on the mission field for three years, Christy De Man (sister to Aaron Vander Mey) took her family to visit them in Mexico.

For the first time, she could put faces to names, and her kids could see what a home church looked like. But Christy also found comfort in simple things , like being able to envision the park across the street from her parents’ house or the local smoothie shop.

“It was such a good memory for my family, and we hold onto that time being there,” Christy says. “We talk about it all the time.”

If you can’t visit, Anna suggests still learning as much as you can about the people your parents are serving, “so that it’s not just about them leaving you, but you’re able to support them in going to someone else. ”

Ask the Church for Support

Of course, some elements of the parent-child relationship just can’t be filled long distance. That’s where the Church can play a critical support role for missionary families with adult children.

Before Nick’s parents, Marilyn and Ken, left, they made a list of people Nick and his wife can go to if they have a problem. They noted what each person’s unique skills are, so if, for example, the washer breaks, Nick knows exactly who can fix it.

“We had so many people who support us who said, ‘Anything those kids need, you tell them to call,’” Marilyn says.

In addition to everyday life, many adult MKs take on additional responsibilities when their parents leave — from sorting parents’ mail, to editing their prayer letters, to acting as their power of attorney. Just asking about these extra burdens can be a relief to adult missionary kids who feel like no one understands what they’re facing .

Churches can also encourage adult MKs by inviting them over for holidays or engaging in their children’s lives the way grandparents would if they were there. The big thing, Jocelyn says, is not leaving it up to chance.

“If you do a broad thing of, ‘Hey don’t forget to reach out to them,’ everyone will think that someone else is doing it, and it will never get done,” Jocelyn says.

Instead, she encourages church leaders to ask specific individuals to take action so they know they are needed.

Embrace the Challenge — and the Blessing

Ultimately, many adult MKs say sending their parents to the mission field has not only been exciting to watch but has grown their own faith as well.

“God is using them, and they need to be there. … And it’s always a challenge to me — like, always,” Christy says. “Like, how can I be better here? How can I do that kind of stuff here?”

And as adult MKs consider how they can live out their faith better, their parents serve as a reminder that it’s never too late to start something new.

“[It] has been a huge blessing because it’s just ingrained that more in me of just, God’s plans are endless,” Jocelyn says, “and they don’t have a time limit or age where it goes away.”

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Bridging Dissonance: Finding Connection in Music and the Gospel

By Emily Sheddan • 18 Jul, 2024

TEAM worker Luke Standridge and his fellow musicians use music to build connections to faith in Japan. In music terms, dissonance creates movement or even suspense in a song. It invites tension. That tension is what helps grab our ear’s attention and the interchanging of these notes with pleasant melodious parts is what makes music such a delight. In a similar way, God is using music to grab people’s attention and catalyze Gospel impact in the largely unreached nation of Japan. TEAM Global Worker, Luke Standridge moved to Japan in 2019 with no clear direction on how he was going to use his passion for composing music while doing ministry. However, after Luke got involved with a local church and began developing deep friendships, the Lord opened unimaginable doors for Luke that in time, coordinating his creative skills with sharing the Word. “People Need to Come to Japan!” Growing up as one of ten kids in a family that was heavily involved in ministry and missions, Luke never considered that it would one day be a part of his own journey. In 2016, via a Japanese language learning class in Indiana, Luke and his brother had the opportunity to travel to Japan. Hearing, learning, and using the language in the context of Japanese culture was the goal. While it was Luke’s first international trip – even his first trip on a plane - it was also his first time hearing about the spiritual condition of the Japanese people. “And just through that, God did a huge 180 change on my heart,” says Luke. “More people should come here as global workers. People need to come to Japan!” The call God was laying on Luke’s heart is echoed when looking at the spiritual landscape of Japan. The nation is home to the second largest unreached people group in the world. It is one of the most difficult places for the Gospel to take hold and grow. Japan is also home to a deep and rich culture that prizes creative arts from pottery to ink to music to anime – a fact that would help Luke find his niche in life and ministry. God’s Guiding Hand In the short three-month timespan of that first trip, Luke found that opportunities came naturally to share about life, and people’s curiosity for Christianity grew. “I left Japan knowing I just had to come back,” Luke shares. “Even if I didn’t get back to the same area, I knew Japan was where God wanted me to be.” The Lord is good all the time and all the time the Lord is good. His plans do not fail. Luke returned to Japan in 2019, and less than a week after arriving, he was put in touch with a renowned composer in Japan. The composer saw some of Luke’s music and invited him to help write the music for a beloved in-country animated show. But God wasn’t finished yet! Fast forward a year, and more connections and opportunities allowed Luke to help with music for Pokémon - a franchise that has brand recognition around the world and was being developed into a TV series in Japan. Luke recalls how the Lord began using these connections in the production world to open doors for Gospel conversations. One night while having dinner in downtown Tokyo with famous artists and composers from all around the country, Luke was asked about his ministry-focused visa. This was a rare opportunity in a setting with people otherwise uninterested in Christianity. Luke shares, “The whole time I could see God’s hand in guiding the entire thing.”

Connecting in a New Kind of “Neighborhood”

By Lorena de la Rosa and Suzanne Pearson • 13 Jun, 2024

Through creative arts and other forms of innovative outreach, “The Neighborhood” is creating connections to the Gospel and the love of Jesus. CONNECTION. It’s a common word with powerful implications. Dictionary.com defines connection as a joining or linking together; a relationship between people or objects that unites or binds them together. God has created each of us with a deep need for connection with Him as well as connection with others. Hebrews 10:24-25 speaks to this, as the writer exhorts, “Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” This God-given need for connection lies at the heart of a creative and innovative ministry in Japan known as “The Neighborhood.” TEAM Japan global worker, Kelly and her family created The Neighborhood as a place where connections are formed through creative arts, educational opportunities, and simply just providing a space for people to be together. A Family Calling The journey to the creation of The Neighborhood began over 5,000 miles away from Tokyo, in California where Kelly, her husband Jeff, and their five children were living. The kids were the first to sense God’s calling to missions, and asked why their family wasn’t serving in this way. How Kelly and her family came to TEAM is a God-story in and of itself. “God placed a TEAM Japan worker at our lunch table the same week that the kids posed that question to us,” Kelly recalls. “We had never heard of TEAM and so we thought, ‘let’s check this out.’ After that, God just kept confirming that we were supposed to be here.” After a period of fundraising and with much excitement, the family of seven moved to Japan in 2014. For the first five years, Kelly and Jeff served as a part of other TEAM ministry initiatives, but they began to sense a stirring for something new. Creating The Neighborhood Kelly and her family truly have a deep gift for hospitality, and regularly opened up their home to others they met in Tokyo. They saw a great need for people to have a place to gather and connect, and they wondered what doors the Lord might be opening for them to meet that need. “About a year before we were to return the States on home assignment, we were just really thinking about our future in Japan,” Kelly says. “We saw a need for people to have a ‘third place’ – a place that’s not home and it’s not work. They didn’t have a church community or any other place where they could meet people and just connect.” Kelly goes on to explain that in Japan, the culture is such that people don’t generally invite each other into their homes, but as her family did so, people embraced that opportunity. “This idea formed in all of our hearts of a student ministry center – a place where we can create community and learning,” says Kelly. “It was born out of what we were already doing in our home, but seeing how we could expand it and have better space.” God’s Provision What happened next is a true testament to God’s provision. Kelly, Jeff, and the kids returned to the States and began sharing their vision for The Neighborhood with their supporters and churches who responded generously. Upon returning to Japan, the search was on for the right space. “We had a Christian realtor that we told our dream to, and he just went looking for it,” Kelly recalls. When the realtor found a 5-story apartment building, he said, “It’s kind of out of your budget but it has what you need and want.” The Lord provided the funds and the family moved into the space in November 2019. They now occupy all but the ground floor, with living space for their family as well as classrooms, areas to study or hang out, and guest rooms for exchange students or others who need a place to stay overnight. The first floor is occupied by a pizza shop – a welcome amenity for the many groups and students who visit The Neighborhood. “It’s very convenient!” Kelly says with a laugh. The Neighborhood began to see lots of activity right away until the pandemic hit in early 2020. During the height of the quarantine, Kelly and Jeff used the time to redecorate the space and plant gardens outside the building. Then as the restrictions eased, they invited individual students or families over for meals and fellowship. It wasn’t until March 2023 that The Neighborhood was able to fully open again as intended. Kelly shares that despite the setbacks of COVID, the Lord continued to provide the funds to pay the rent.