When Missionaries Leave Adult Children Behind

Bethany DuVal • May 10, 2019

If Jocelyn Potter and her boyfriend didn’t get engaged and married in the next four months, they would have to wait years to try again. That is, if they wanted Jocelyn’s parents to be there and not just watching the video in the Zimbabwean bush.

Jocelyn’s mom and stepdad, Cheryl and Dave Jereb , were TEAM missionaries on home assignment. They had about four months to visit friends and family and then return to Zimbabwe .

So, Jocelyn and her boyfriend got engaged and planned the wedding in three months.

“We scheduled the wedding for a Friday, and their plane ticket … was for Monday,” Jocelyn says. “We literally pushed it as far as humanly possible.”

It was a huge victory — but just one of many challenges Jocelyn’s family would face . In the years since, they’ve dealt with separation during pregnancy, life-threatening illnesses and the raising of grandkids.

And they’re not alone. More and more retirees and late-in-career Christians are leaving their adult kids for the mission field. And it’s forcing families to ask the question, “What do you do when parents become missionaries after the kids are grown?”

Start the Missionary Journey Together

In 2014, Anna Price moved from Kentucky to Texas so she could be near her parents. So, it came as a surprise when God called her parents to ministry in Croatia just three years later.

Not only that, but their assignment started in three months.

“It was one of those things that at first was like, ‘No way, that’s crazy,’” Anna says.

Anna’s faith helped her understand — and even celebrate — her parents’ new roles overseas. But other family members struggled.

“I know it could feel like they’re playing a God card to go on a new adventure,” Anna says. So, she advises missionaries to take care in explaining what they’re going to do and why they feel the work is important.

Nick Coover spends time with his parents on the mission field in the snowy mountains.

Before Ken and Marilyn Coover left for the mission field, they wanted to be sure their son, Nick, and his wife (center) felt peace about it. Photo courtesy of Marilyn Coover.

Other adult missionary kids expressed how important it was to feel that their opinions mattered to their parents.

When Aaron Vander Mey’s parents started considering missions in Mexico , they asked their kids to pray with them about the decision.

“I thought it was good that they included us in that,” Aaron says. “You know, wanting to hear from their adult children what they thought God was saying. So kind of allowing God to speak to us, too.”

And when Nick Coover’s parents left for Germany , they asked for Nick’s blessing, the same way an adult child might ask for their parents’. Before leaving adult children for the mission field, make sure they feel heard and understand why you’re going.

Remember, You’re All Siblings in Christ

In many ways, missions as a second career turns the parent-child relationship on its head. For the first time, children have to release their parents to God, trusting Him to take care of them in the great, big world.

When Jocelyn’s mom told her about teenage boys who threw rocks at her, Jocelyn’s gut instinct was to get on a plane and “beat some boys.” And at one point, Aaron anxiously watched news stories about American adults being kidnapped in Mexico.

“I was actually really worried. …. If something like that happened, what in the world would I do?” Aaron says.

But both Aaron and Jocelyn remind themselves that their parents’ risks are worth the eternal rewards . They remember that their parents are, ultimately, fellow believers who have to follow God regardless of the cost.

“I had to face it [that] if something ever happened to my mom, you know what, that’s really cool that God sees her as someone … who even has lived a life worthy to be called a martyr,” Jocelyn says.

Get Creative to Stay in Touch

In the day to day, modern technology makes it a little easier to release your parents or leave your adult children behind. But the big thing is finding what works for your family .

Aaron’s family uses a Bible study app , where all three generations can go through a Bible study together and leave comments on what impacted them. Anna and her mom started watching the same TV show so they would have something fun to share.

Other families use voice messaging apps like Marco Polo or share photos of the grandkids through apps like FamilyAlbum . To their surprise, Jocelyn’s parents found that Facebook Messenger had the best video chatting options for the bush of Zimbabwe.

“Finding common grounds in technology and what will work for your family is key,” Nick says.

Visit the Mission Field

The grandchildren of missionaries get to spend time with their grandkids on their mission field in Mexico

Christy De Man’s children still talk about the time they saw their grandparents’ ministry in Mexico. Photo courtesy of Christy De Man.

Long distance communication also becomes easier if adult children can visit parents on the mission field at least once. Even a week can make a lasting difference.

After her parents had been on the mission field for three years, Christy De Man (sister to Aaron Vander Mey) took her family to visit them in Mexico.

For the first time, she could put faces to names, and her kids could see what a home church looked like. But Christy also found comfort in simple things , like being able to envision the park across the street from her parents’ house or the local smoothie shop.

“It was such a good memory for my family, and we hold onto that time being there,” Christy says. “We talk about it all the time.”

If you can’t visit, Anna suggests still learning as much as you can about the people your parents are serving, “so that it’s not just about them leaving you, but you’re able to support them in going to someone else.

Ask the Church for Support

Of course, some elements of the parent-child relationship just can’t be filled long distance. That’s where the Church can play a critical support role for missionary families with adult children.

Before Nick’s parents, Marilyn and Ken, left, they made a list of people Nick and his wife can go to if they have a problem. They noted what each person’s unique skills are, so if, for example, the washer breaks, Nick knows exactly who can fix it.

“We had so many people who support us who said, ‘Anything those kids need, you tell them to call,’” Marilyn says.

In addition to everyday life, many adult MKs take on additional responsibilities when their parents leave — from sorting parents’ mail, to editing their prayer letters, to acting as their power of attorney. Just asking about these extra burdens can be a relief to adult missionary kids who feel like no one understands what they’re facing .

Churches can also encourage adult MKs by inviting them over for holidays or engaging in their children’s lives the way grandparents would if they were there. The big thing, Jocelyn says, is not leaving it up to chance.

“If you do a broad thing of, ‘Hey don’t forget to reach out to them,’ everyone will think that someone else is doing it, and it will never get done,” Jocelyn says.

Instead, she encourages church leaders to ask specific individuals to take action so they know they are needed.

Embrace the Challenge — and the Blessing

Ultimately, many adult MKs say sending their parents to the mission field has not only been exciting to watch but has grown their own faith as well.

“God is using them, and they need to be there. … And it’s always a challenge to me — like, always,” Christy says. “Like, how can I be better here? How can I do that kind of stuff here?”

And as adult MKs consider how they can live out their faith better, their parents serve as a reminder that it’s never too late to start something new.

“[It] has been a huge blessing because it’s just ingrained that more in me of just, God’s plans are endless,” Jocelyn says, “and they don’t have a time limit or age where it goes away.”

By Suzanne Pearson 08 Mar, 2024
Through God-ordained partnerships and creative connections, TEAM worker Keith Moore sees the global Church advancing in amazing ways. In the global missions landscape, a phrase that comes up often is “from everywhere, to everywhere.” God is calling His global Church in literal new directions, as He raises up cross-cultural workers to be sent from places that were once on the receiving end of missions work. We call this movement “polycentric sending.” TEAM workers Dawn and Keith Moore have seen first-hand this transition taking place. Their story involves the unlikely but beautiful intersection of Charlotte, North Carolina; Tegucigalpa, Honduras; and Memphis, Tennessee...and beyond. The Path to Honduras Keith and Dawn joined TEAM in 1991 and served as church planters for nine years in Bogota, Colombia. After safety concerns precipitated their return to the States in 1999, they knew they wanted to continue serving in Latin America. The Moores felt called to Honduras but wanted to connect with a strong missional church to help send them. The Lord orchestrated a collaboration with Bellevue Baptist Church in Memphis, Tennessee. “Some people asked, ‘Why Honduras? Missionaries have been there for 100 years. It’s already reached,’” Keith says. “But there’s a whole section of Latin America that had not been reached - the upper crust.” Keith goes on to explain that he and Dawn felt called to reach college-educated professionals in Honduras – a ministry vision that resonated with the missional goals of Bellevue Baptist. Impact and Growth With the support of this new church partnership as well as another sending church in Birmingham, Alabama, the Moores embarked on their next adventure. Keith and Dawn started Impacto Honduras Church from scratch, and in less than 20 years, the church grew into four locations with 1600 total members. The Moores and other TEAM workers also created a “Bible school” type training program to help professionals who feel a call to ministry to make that transition. Throughout this period of explosive growth, church partnerships played an integral role. “It’s such a different vision when you have a church that says, ‘OK, this is our deal, we want to make this happen,’” Keith explains. “They helped us with everything. They took away every single obstacle to growth. Every time we needed something, they were there.” In 2017, the Moores once again found themselves on the verge of another decision. Was it time to leave Honduras? “I had no desire to leave,” Keith recalls. “People were coming to Christ every week! It was just so amazing.” However, back in the U.S., Keith and Dawn’s parents were in their 80s and would soon be in need of more care. “We realized that either we would leave in a crisis, or we would leave strategically,” says Keith. The couple began to implement a careful succession plan. By the time they left, the four churches were established with strong, Honduran leadership ready to carry on the work of the Gospel.
By Suzanne Pearson 23 Feb, 2024
Justin Burkholder, pictured here with his wife Jenny and their daughters Isabella, Olivia, and Zoey, has recently been named as TEAM’s next International Director. On February 19, 2024, with much excitement and gratitude to the Lord, TEAM announced that Justin Burkholder will become our organization’s new International Director, effective July 1, 2024. Justin, who is currently TEAM’s Executive Director of Global Ministry, will assume his new role upon the retirement of the current International Director, Dave Hall. ( Read the full press release here. ) We sat down recently with Justin to learn a little more about his background, his family, and the journey that has led him to TEAM. Q: Tell us a little bit about your “origin story” - Where did you grow up? What was your family like? A: I grew up in Mexico City as a missionary kid. My parents were focused on church planting. We were very close as a family. Both of my parents are still alive, and my dad serves as a pastor in southern Florida. I have one brother who is a pastor in Wisconsin, and the most special individual in my family is my sister, Amber. She was born with a very severe case of cerebral palsy and is entirely dependent on my mother...who is extraordinary! The three most impactful forces that have shaped who I am (outside of God’s grace) are growing up in Mexico, having parents who loved and planted churches, and sharing life with someone with a severe disability. My parents belonged at the time to a church and denomination that came with quite a bit of legalism and performance-oriented Christianity. Grace was a challenging concept to grasp. While I had an awareness of my sin and need for redemption, it wasn’t until I attended Moody Bible Institute that I began to grasp the fullness of God’s grace and His delight in His children. I have continued learning and trusting in the Gospel through formal education, like completing my M.Div., and through spiritual practices in community. Learning the Gospel and believing the Gospel has been a daily exercise. The Gospel is as beautiful and multi-faceted as a diamond! At an individual level, it is simple enough for us to live convinced that “Jesus loves me, this I know.” At a corporate level, it becomes the foundation that forms and informs our life as a spiritual family. At a cosmic level, it is redemption that reaches as far as the curse is found. It is hard to even grasp the multiplicity of goodness found in the Good News. Q: Share a little bit about your family life now. What does a typical day look like in the Burkholder household? A: My wife Jenny is my high-school sweetheart! She brings joy and kindness wherever she goes. She’s the best listener I’ve ever met, and we love spending time together. We have three daughters. Isabella is ten, Olivia is seven, and Zoey is four. Each of the girls is unique and has taught us a lot in our process of following Jesus together. We like to go out on walks and go to the park together. Once a month I try to get some alone time with each of my daughters which usually includes bowling or trampolines. A typical day in the Burkholder house starts around 5:00am. Because of traffic here in Guatemala City, we have to leave early for school. After school, the girls come home to different activities - sometimes swimming class, sometimes piano lessons. Four or five nights a week we have dinner together where we usually talk about our high and low moments of the day. On weekends, we enjoy time together, playing outside, or watching sports together. Go Cubs and Go Buckeyes! Q: What are your interests and hobbies? If you have the day off, what are you likely to be up to? A: I enjoy physical activity, running, strength-training and following sports. I also love music and, truth be told, am a bit snobby about my taste in music! I also am a very curious person and love reading just about anything that passes through my hands. A day off is usually an opportunity for time with family. Jenny and I like to cook something interesting together on our days off. Often there is time for some reading and watching some type of athletic event. Q: How did God lead you to TEAM? A: My wife and I were working in the Chicago suburbs. I was a youth pastor and she was a Spanish teacher. When we got married, we had already sensed God’s direction to serve cross-culturally, but it was a matter of discerning when and where. There was a driving desire in me to see a church deeply love the Scriptures and at the same time, be deeply engaged in loving and serving their city and the most vulnerable among them. As God directed our paths, we visited a variety of places and made some friends in Guatemala who opened up the path for us to serve here. While we were exploring, we knew that the International Director of an organization called TEAM happened to go to our church, so I decided I should probably invite him out for breakfast - his name was Charlie Davis. Charlie was extremely thoughtful, passionate about disciple-making, and very gracious in creating space for us as we stepped into this endeavor. Charlie connected me with Steve Dresselhaus, a fellow TEAM global worker who was at that time serving as the Senior Director for the Americas. I cannot express the debt that I owe Steve. He walked closely with me in the transition, encouraged courageous thinking about the church and her role in society, and blasted open the doors for us to serve in Guatemala. After meeting Steve, we spent some days praying about joining TEAM. One thing I will never forget – one night during the process, I found myself wide awake in the middle of the night. A peace like I have seldom experienced passed over me confirming that we should join TEAM. There is no doubt in my mind that God tied all of these pieces together to bring us into the TEAM family and community. Q: What roles have you held in TEAM? What have been the milestones in those roles? A: The most important role I have held in TEAM is that of a global worker. God in His grace has allowed us to help plant two churches here in Guatemala, serve in leadership development, counseling, and discipleship. Our greatest joy has been found walking with those who are learning to follow Christ more deeply. I served as the Ministry Area Leader in Guatemala from 2016 to 2019. We helped to establish and lead this ministry area as it grew from just four global workers to over 15. I then served as Senior Director for Mexico and Central America from 2019 to 2021, Regional Executive Director for the Americas in 2021 and 2022, and then transitioned to the role of Executive Director of Global Ministry which I’ll continue in until the end of June. Q: What do you love most about being a part of TEAM? Why TEAM rather than other organizations or job opportunities? A: The TEAM community is full of people who have faithfully served God’s mission and have given up a lot to do so. It is a privilege to know many of our global workers and be counted among them. I am also fascinated by the fact that TEAM has existed now for more than 130 years! There is something to be said about the resilience and faithfulness of an organization that has continued to impact the world for so long. The rest of our conversation with Justin will be coming soon on blog! We’ll hear more about how God called Justin to the role of International Director, and what Justin sees for the next chapter in TEAM’s work in the global Church.
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