What It’s Like to Be a Single Missionary

Bethany DuVal • Feb 28, 2017

She’s known as the MacGyver of missionaries. She spent 15 years traveling with nomadic cattle-herders, single-handedly wired her desert home with solar panels and still has her water delivered by donkeys.

But Tillie Tiller’s adventurous life in Chad slammed into a wall when she turned 39.

That’s when she realized she wasn’t getting married.

“In so many missionary biographies, in the middle of nowhere, a single guy shows up, and it is a perfect pairing. … Up until age 38, I thought it was going to happen,” Tillie says. “At age 39, I was pretty sure it wouldn’t happen, so then I started to spiral out of control. I didn’t even realize what was going on.”

As Tillie’s sending agency, TEAM called her off the field. She would spend the next year in counseling, figuring out who she was without the possibility of a spouse and children.

For many prospective missionaries, Tillie’s breakdown is their worst nightmare.

Singleness is the fourth most common reason appointees don’t make it to the mission field or take a long time getting there , according to a Pioneers International report. And truthfully, fears of loneliness, feeling out of place or saying goodbye to the possibility of marriage aren’t entirely unfounded.

Even when she was raising support to serve in France , TEAM missionary Jenn Hylton thought, This would be so much easier if I weren’t alone, if I just had someone to help me .

But despite the challenges, some estimate that single people make up a third of the U.S. missions force.

So how do single missionaries make it work? It begins with recognizing the benefits.

Open Houses and Divine Surprises

Ask any missionary about the advantages of being single on the field, and they’ll talk about flexibility.

“I can do so much more spontaneous ministry,” says Taylor Nesse, who works with college students in Italy. “[If] someone texts me, nine times out of 10, I’ll be able to show up. I love that.”

Without a family to worry about infringing on, Taylor feels free to open his home , hosting large group meals throughout each semester. On the flipside, flying solo makes people feel more comfortable inviting you to their own homes, according to 35-year missionary Nancy Sturrock.

In South Asia, she says, “They have these small, little houses, and they’re not sure if they have enough food, and they don’t really know what to do for a foreigner. But one person, they can manage.”

Zach Harrod has been married nearly three years, but he’s still reaping benefits from nine years of single service in the Czech Republic.

“As a single, it was just like, heck, let’s get after it. … I grew, God helped me get the language, helped me get a ton of relationships with it. I’m still kind of riding the wave of that,” Zach says.

But sometimes, the greatest benefit to singleness is seeing God work in unexpected ways.

Lorraine Green went to Chad at 27 years old to do youth ministry, but she quickly saw that it wasn’t for her.

Instead, she ended up working with the local Bible school, teaching women how to be good pastors’ wives.

The irony wasn’t lost on Lorraine. But when she shared her concerns with a local pastor he said, “Don’t talk like that. You teach God’s Word. You teach the principles of God’s Word, and the rest will work out.”

So she did — for 30 years. All the while, not a single student ever doubted her qualifications. God’s Word was enough.

‘I Thought It Was Forever’

Naturally, those highs don’t cancel out the challenges of singleness.

For Tillie, getting back on the field meant admitting that she still felt a loss in not having a partner to share that life with.

“When I left for the field, I was completely content, so I thought it was forever,” Tillie says. “ But every so often, the intense, deep yearning to be married would come again. It would pass, and, again, I thought it was over for good. I wish I had realized that it would roll around again and to be prepared to deal with it.

Well-meaning, fellow Christians don’t always make that preparation easy.

Furloughs are sprinkled with people who want to know if you’ve “found anyone yet.” And long-married teammates may struggle to understand adult life without a spouse or children.

It can be isolating sometimes , but I have to focus on Jesus and not circumstances,” Jenn says.

In those moments, God becomes a greater source of comfort as the only one who knows each person fully — single or not — and as someone who lived single missionary life Himself.

Recalling Christ’s determination in Isaiah 50:7, Lorraine says, “Jesus set His face like a flint to fulfill His calling, and I will do the same. … Bless His heart, He showed us how to be single.

Finding Support in Unexpected Places

One of the hallmarks of Jesus’ life was the community He built for Himself — not only with the 12 disciples but also with His dear friends Mary, Martha and Lazarus.

On the field, finding deep fellowship often means getting creative.

After several rounds of people coming and going, Nancy grew hesitant to keep building doomed friendships, but she still needed confidants who knew her well. So, she decided to keep building relationships in Thailand but let her deeper friendships be ones she maintained over the internet.

In addition to befriending teammates, missionaries warn not to overlook nationals as friends who are less likely to move and will gladly pull you into their culture.

During language school, Zach says, “While I had a great flat that I lived in, I wouldn’t study there. I’d study at cafés, where I knew people were that I could meet or my friends were, … and it’s really paid off.”

Some missionaries find families who will let them take part in day-to-day life. Others find fellow expatriates they can visit over a weekend, or they see who’s serving locally with other agencies.

Taylor says it’s easy to think your closest relationships will be found on your team, but he encourages new missionaries to hold out for people they naturally trust and confide in.

Find your people; don’t assume who your people are, ” he says.

Sometimes that will mean finding people in the same life stage. Other times, it means building relationships where both parties can offer unique perspectives.

“Often [married] friends will remind me of a blessing in my life that might become easy to overlook, and I thank God for that reminder,” Jenn says. “Another perfect example of why we need the Body of Christ!”

Is Marriage Your Idol?

Ultimately, success as a missionary — single or married — comes down to trusting God and being willing to follow Him wherever He leads.

All I know is that God’s called me to be single today — and probably tomorrow. I don’t think I’m having a wedding before tomorrow,” Nancy says with a laugh. “… So I need to be single with my whole heart and go about what He’s given me to do today.”

Zach encourages young men to put their hearts under a microscope and carefully consider if God is truly calling them to stay home in pursuit of marriage or if a domestic ideal has become an idol.

Ironically, he says, staying home in the hopes of getting married would have kept him from meeting his wife, a Czech woman he met on the field. Their first child was born in 2017.

Our lives are just so much more interesting, so much more colorful, so many different hues, just because … I decided I’m just gonna go, and God’s gonna take care of me, ” Zach says. “It might not be how everyone else’s life looks, but that’s OK.”

Twenty years after her year of counseling in the States, Tillie believes the same thing about her continued life as a single missionary in Chad.

“In hindsight, I can honestly say that I love my life,” she says. “I don’t regret any of it.”

By Suzanne Pearson 08 Mar, 2024
Through God-ordained partnerships and creative connections, TEAM worker Keith Moore sees the global Church advancing in amazing ways. In the global missions landscape, a phrase that comes up often is “from everywhere, to everywhere.” God is calling His global Church in literal new directions, as He raises up cross-cultural workers to be sent from places that were once on the receiving end of missions work. We call this movement “polycentric sending.” TEAM workers Dawn and Keith Moore have seen first-hand this transition taking place. Their story involves the unlikely but beautiful intersection of Charlotte, North Carolina; Tegucigalpa, Honduras; and Memphis, Tennessee...and beyond. The Path to Honduras Keith and Dawn joined TEAM in 1991 and served as church planters for nine years in Bogota, Colombia. After safety concerns precipitated their return to the States in 1999, they knew they wanted to continue serving in Latin America. The Moores felt called to Honduras but wanted to connect with a strong missional church to help send them. The Lord orchestrated a collaboration with Bellevue Baptist Church in Memphis, Tennessee. “Some people asked, ‘Why Honduras? Missionaries have been there for 100 years. It’s already reached,’” Keith says. “But there’s a whole section of Latin America that had not been reached - the upper crust.” Keith goes on to explain that he and Dawn felt called to reach college-educated professionals in Honduras – a ministry vision that resonated with the missional goals of Bellevue Baptist. Impact and Growth With the support of this new church partnership as well as another sending church in Birmingham, Alabama, the Moores embarked on their next adventure. Keith and Dawn started Impacto Honduras Church from scratch, and in less than 20 years, the church grew into four locations with 1600 total members. The Moores and other TEAM workers also created a “Bible school” type training program to help professionals who feel a call to ministry to make that transition. Throughout this period of explosive growth, church partnerships played an integral role. “It’s such a different vision when you have a church that says, ‘OK, this is our deal, we want to make this happen,’” Keith explains. “They helped us with everything. They took away every single obstacle to growth. Every time we needed something, they were there.” In 2017, the Moores once again found themselves on the verge of another decision. Was it time to leave Honduras? “I had no desire to leave,” Keith recalls. “People were coming to Christ every week! It was just so amazing.” However, back in the U.S., Keith and Dawn’s parents were in their 80s and would soon be in need of more care. “We realized that either we would leave in a crisis, or we would leave strategically,” says Keith. The couple began to implement a careful succession plan. By the time they left, the four churches were established with strong, Honduran leadership ready to carry on the work of the Gospel.
By Suzanne Pearson 23 Feb, 2024
Justin Burkholder, pictured here with his wife Jenny and their daughters Isabella, Olivia, and Zoey, has recently been named as TEAM’s next International Director. On February 19, 2024, with much excitement and gratitude to the Lord, TEAM announced that Justin Burkholder will become our organization’s new International Director, effective July 1, 2024. Justin, who is currently TEAM’s Executive Director of Global Ministry, will assume his new role upon the retirement of the current International Director, Dave Hall. ( Read the full press release here. ) We sat down recently with Justin to learn a little more about his background, his family, and the journey that has led him to TEAM. Q: Tell us a little bit about your “origin story” - Where did you grow up? What was your family like? A: I grew up in Mexico City as a missionary kid. My parents were focused on church planting. We were very close as a family. Both of my parents are still alive, and my dad serves as a pastor in southern Florida. I have one brother who is a pastor in Wisconsin, and the most special individual in my family is my sister, Amber. She was born with a very severe case of cerebral palsy and is entirely dependent on my mother...who is extraordinary! The three most impactful forces that have shaped who I am (outside of God’s grace) are growing up in Mexico, having parents who loved and planted churches, and sharing life with someone with a severe disability. My parents belonged at the time to a church and denomination that came with quite a bit of legalism and performance-oriented Christianity. Grace was a challenging concept to grasp. While I had an awareness of my sin and need for redemption, it wasn’t until I attended Moody Bible Institute that I began to grasp the fullness of God’s grace and His delight in His children. I have continued learning and trusting in the Gospel through formal education, like completing my M.Div., and through spiritual practices in community. Learning the Gospel and believing the Gospel has been a daily exercise. The Gospel is as beautiful and multi-faceted as a diamond! At an individual level, it is simple enough for us to live convinced that “Jesus loves me, this I know.” At a corporate level, it becomes the foundation that forms and informs our life as a spiritual family. At a cosmic level, it is redemption that reaches as far as the curse is found. It is hard to even grasp the multiplicity of goodness found in the Good News. Q: Share a little bit about your family life now. What does a typical day look like in the Burkholder household? A: My wife Jenny is my high-school sweetheart! She brings joy and kindness wherever she goes. She’s the best listener I’ve ever met, and we love spending time together. We have three daughters. Isabella is ten, Olivia is seven, and Zoey is four. Each of the girls is unique and has taught us a lot in our process of following Jesus together. We like to go out on walks and go to the park together. Once a month I try to get some alone time with each of my daughters which usually includes bowling or trampolines. A typical day in the Burkholder house starts around 5:00am. Because of traffic here in Guatemala City, we have to leave early for school. After school, the girls come home to different activities - sometimes swimming class, sometimes piano lessons. Four or five nights a week we have dinner together where we usually talk about our high and low moments of the day. On weekends, we enjoy time together, playing outside, or watching sports together. Go Cubs and Go Buckeyes! Q: What are your interests and hobbies? If you have the day off, what are you likely to be up to? A: I enjoy physical activity, running, strength-training and following sports. I also love music and, truth be told, am a bit snobby about my taste in music! I also am a very curious person and love reading just about anything that passes through my hands. A day off is usually an opportunity for time with family. Jenny and I like to cook something interesting together on our days off. Often there is time for some reading and watching some type of athletic event. Q: How did God lead you to TEAM? A: My wife and I were working in the Chicago suburbs. I was a youth pastor and she was a Spanish teacher. When we got married, we had already sensed God’s direction to serve cross-culturally, but it was a matter of discerning when and where. There was a driving desire in me to see a church deeply love the Scriptures and at the same time, be deeply engaged in loving and serving their city and the most vulnerable among them. As God directed our paths, we visited a variety of places and made some friends in Guatemala who opened up the path for us to serve here. While we were exploring, we knew that the International Director of an organization called TEAM happened to go to our church, so I decided I should probably invite him out for breakfast - his name was Charlie Davis. Charlie was extremely thoughtful, passionate about disciple-making, and very gracious in creating space for us as we stepped into this endeavor. Charlie connected me with Steve Dresselhaus, a fellow TEAM global worker who was at that time serving as the Senior Director for the Americas. I cannot express the debt that I owe Steve. He walked closely with me in the transition, encouraged courageous thinking about the church and her role in society, and blasted open the doors for us to serve in Guatemala. After meeting Steve, we spent some days praying about joining TEAM. One thing I will never forget – one night during the process, I found myself wide awake in the middle of the night. A peace like I have seldom experienced passed over me confirming that we should join TEAM. There is no doubt in my mind that God tied all of these pieces together to bring us into the TEAM family and community. Q: What roles have you held in TEAM? What have been the milestones in those roles? A: The most important role I have held in TEAM is that of a global worker. God in His grace has allowed us to help plant two churches here in Guatemala, serve in leadership development, counseling, and discipleship. Our greatest joy has been found walking with those who are learning to follow Christ more deeply. I served as the Ministry Area Leader in Guatemala from 2016 to 2019. We helped to establish and lead this ministry area as it grew from just four global workers to over 15. I then served as Senior Director for Mexico and Central America from 2019 to 2021, Regional Executive Director for the Americas in 2021 and 2022, and then transitioned to the role of Executive Director of Global Ministry which I’ll continue in until the end of June. Q: What do you love most about being a part of TEAM? Why TEAM rather than other organizations or job opportunities? A: The TEAM community is full of people who have faithfully served God’s mission and have given up a lot to do so. It is a privilege to know many of our global workers and be counted among them. I am also fascinated by the fact that TEAM has existed now for more than 130 years! There is something to be said about the resilience and faithfulness of an organization that has continued to impact the world for so long. The rest of our conversation with Justin will be coming soon on blog! We’ll hear more about how God called Justin to the role of International Director, and what Justin sees for the next chapter in TEAM’s work in the global Church.
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