Third Culture Kids, Part 1: Overcoming Challenges On-Field

Brianna Langley • Apr 17, 2018

What is it like to grow up among multiple cultures? Read now to learn more about the challenges third culture kids experience on the mission field.


My 6-year-old self and my 4-year-old sister, Bianca stepped out of our front door, along with our mom, and into a dark, gray hallway. It smelled like rusted staircase railings and old wooden elevators.


Sometimes the barely-big-enough-for-two-people elevator worked fine and sometimes it’d get jammed for a while. But we didn’t feel like walking down all the apartment stairs today, so we took our chances. The elevator creaked and rumbled, but made it to the bottom floor.


“Taxi?” I asked Mom as we stepped out of the old, graffitied building and onto the city sidewalk.


“The market is just around the corner,” Mom said. “Let’s walk. And please practice your Romanian while we’re out today.”


“Bine,” I said, now in Romanian. “After the market, can I get some plăcintă from Mrs. Botiș? I’m hungry.”


Home, but not Home

My family and I standing in front of the church my dad pastored. I’m the little girl on the left. Photo courtesy of Brianna Langley


Although not a typical childhood anecdote, for third culture kids, days like the one I just described are pretty common.


Bianca and I were raised as a missionary kids in Romania off-and-on during my second through tenth years of life. So at home, we were American in speech, meals, entertainment, etc. But as soon as we left our apartment, we would hear Romanian, ride trams and eat things like plăcintă and sarmale.


One of the many unique experiences that come with being raised overseas is realizing that when you talk about “home” and your parents talk about “home,” you’re referring to two different places.


You’re home — at least, the only home you know. But you also recognize that there’s this other, ambiguous home out there that your parents talk about all the time.


TEAM’s director of organizational development, Josh McQuaid, lived in Paraguay as a missionary kid from age 9 until he was 18, and he remembers changing his behavior based on certain social settings.


“I became very conscious of the fact that Americans were really loud and obnoxious,” he says. “And so, I would really consciously tone that down, and I still probably do in a lot of contexts.”


As a TCK, you have an insider’s perspective and an outsider’s perspective. That can make it hard to hear your parents complain about your host country.


For parents of TCKs, it’s important to remember that the strange land you’re navigating is familiar and comforting for your child. To them, it’s home.


Embracing Differentness

TCKs sometimes struggle with being branded as “different.” Your childhood friends are usually nationals — and you’re not.


“I mean, they lived in poverty and I didn’t. There were just really obvious things like that that made it really clear,” says Josh. “It felt to me, like, almost inappropriate not to recognize that I was from somewhere else. … So, it was better for me to be conscious of the fact that I was American, but I just didn’t want to act like ‘the typical American,’ if that makes sense.”


Even if you maintain friendships with peers in the States, you will still have different experiences — and probably different worldviews.


TEAM marketing specialist Emily Sheddan moved to Southeast Asia when she was 6. She really pushed back against her parents’ decision to become missionaries during her first few years on the field.

Emily learned her host language quickly, which was a huge help to her parents in meeting people. Despite her thriving language skills, Emily still struggled to accept her place on the mission field (center). Photo courtesy of Emily Sheddan


“I didn’t want to be associated with growing up overseas, just because it separated me from my friends in the States,” she says. “It was hard to relate to my friends because they just thought I was above them sometimes since I grew up in a different country.”


TEAM photography and digital media intern Nate Murphy moved to Venezuela when he was also 6, and learned early on to embrace the “differentness” of being a TCK. To him, learning to love his uniqueness has been invaluable.


I like that I kind of grew up having that mindset. Because a lot of people do come to that eventually,” says Nate. “Usually around college, you’re like, ‘I don’t care what people think of me anymore.’ … And I think it’s just a good thing to know yourself well enough to actually be yourself.”


Quirks and Coping Mechanisms

TCKs also tend to develop certain quirks that become part of who they are as adults.


“One of the things that I do remember is that I would — and still do to this day — have a really hard time maintaining relationships with people that are not currently in my context,” says Josh. “Most of the time, it’s like, if they’re not in the circle of people that are in my city, I’m not gonna stay in touch. Like, I’m just gonna be here.”

As a TCK, Nate (pictured far right) learned to embrace his uniqueness from growing up in a different country. Photo courtesy of Nate Murphy


TCKs grow up drifting in between cultures during their most formative years. For a child, that can be confusing.


Without even realizing it, you pick up coping techniques — like blocking a language from your mind when you’re not in the correct context.


“I was 5, and I spoke three different languages besides English,” says Beth Fussner, TEAM’s learning and development program director. “I could literally switch between all three at will, depending on the person I was talking to.”


Beth was born on the mission field in the Philippines. She didn’t see the States until her parents’ home assignment year when she was five.


“And then I just refused to speak anything but American English when we were here. … I was like, ‘Nope. We don’t talk that language here, so I will just totally refuse,’” she says. “But a year is a long time for a 5-year-old and … I never fully picked it up again.”


As a parent, one of the best things you can do for your TCK is teach them to embrace every part of who they are. There’s good and bad in every culture — empower them to choose which parts of each culture they want to hold onto.


Benefits versus Challenges

Since parents of TCKs are often not TCKs themselves, they don’t always know or understand how moving overseas will impact their kids. Fortunately, the number of resources for TCK parents is always growing.


Instead of letting TCK challenges discourage you from following God’s call, check out books like Third Culture Kids by David C. Pollock and Ruth E. Van Reken. You can also find other posts on this blog, including Raising Up Healthy Missionary Kids and Why Missionary Kids Need Missionaries, Too.


Personally, I wouldn’t trade my childhood for the world. And every TCK I’ve ever met has affirmed that the benefits of their experiences far outweigh the difficulties.


For tips on how to navigate the transition back to the States as a third culture kid, check out part two of this series!

By Suzanne Pearson 08 Mar, 2024
Through God-ordained partnerships and creative connections, TEAM worker Keith Moore sees the global Church advancing in amazing ways. In the global missions landscape, a phrase that comes up often is “from everywhere, to everywhere.” God is calling His global Church in literal new directions, as He raises up cross-cultural workers to be sent from places that were once on the receiving end of missions work. We call this movement “polycentric sending.” TEAM workers Dawn and Keith Moore have seen first-hand this transition taking place. Their story involves the unlikely but beautiful intersection of Charlotte, North Carolina; Tegucigalpa, Honduras; and Memphis, Tennessee...and beyond. The Path to Honduras Keith and Dawn joined TEAM in 1991 and served as church planters for nine years in Bogota, Colombia. After safety concerns precipitated their return to the States in 1999, they knew they wanted to continue serving in Latin America. The Moores felt called to Honduras but wanted to connect with a strong missional church to help send them. The Lord orchestrated a collaboration with Bellevue Baptist Church in Memphis, Tennessee. “Some people asked, ‘Why Honduras? Missionaries have been there for 100 years. It’s already reached,’” Keith says. “But there’s a whole section of Latin America that had not been reached - the upper crust.” Keith goes on to explain that he and Dawn felt called to reach college-educated professionals in Honduras – a ministry vision that resonated with the missional goals of Bellevue Baptist. Impact and Growth With the support of this new church partnership as well as another sending church in Birmingham, Alabama, the Moores embarked on their next adventure. Keith and Dawn started Impacto Honduras Church from scratch, and in less than 20 years, the church grew into four locations with 1600 total members. The Moores and other TEAM workers also created a “Bible school” type training program to help professionals who feel a call to ministry to make that transition. Throughout this period of explosive growth, church partnerships played an integral role. “It’s such a different vision when you have a church that says, ‘OK, this is our deal, we want to make this happen,’” Keith explains. “They helped us with everything. They took away every single obstacle to growth. Every time we needed something, they were there.” In 2017, the Moores once again found themselves on the verge of another decision. Was it time to leave Honduras? “I had no desire to leave,” Keith recalls. “People were coming to Christ every week! It was just so amazing.” However, back in the U.S., Keith and Dawn’s parents were in their 80s and would soon be in need of more care. “We realized that either we would leave in a crisis, or we would leave strategically,” says Keith. The couple began to implement a careful succession plan. By the time they left, the four churches were established with strong, Honduran leadership ready to carry on the work of the Gospel.
By Suzanne Pearson 23 Feb, 2024
Justin Burkholder, pictured here with his wife Jenny and their daughters Isabella, Olivia, and Zoey, has recently been named as TEAM’s next International Director. On February 19, 2024, with much excitement and gratitude to the Lord, TEAM announced that Justin Burkholder will become our organization’s new International Director, effective July 1, 2024. Justin, who is currently TEAM’s Executive Director of Global Ministry, will assume his new role upon the retirement of the current International Director, Dave Hall. ( Read the full press release here. ) We sat down recently with Justin to learn a little more about his background, his family, and the journey that has led him to TEAM. Q: Tell us a little bit about your “origin story” - Where did you grow up? What was your family like? A: I grew up in Mexico City as a missionary kid. My parents were focused on church planting. We were very close as a family. Both of my parents are still alive, and my dad serves as a pastor in southern Florida. I have one brother who is a pastor in Wisconsin, and the most special individual in my family is my sister, Amber. She was born with a very severe case of cerebral palsy and is entirely dependent on my mother...who is extraordinary! The three most impactful forces that have shaped who I am (outside of God’s grace) are growing up in Mexico, having parents who loved and planted churches, and sharing life with someone with a severe disability. My parents belonged at the time to a church and denomination that came with quite a bit of legalism and performance-oriented Christianity. Grace was a challenging concept to grasp. While I had an awareness of my sin and need for redemption, it wasn’t until I attended Moody Bible Institute that I began to grasp the fullness of God’s grace and His delight in His children. I have continued learning and trusting in the Gospel through formal education, like completing my M.Div., and through spiritual practices in community. Learning the Gospel and believing the Gospel has been a daily exercise. The Gospel is as beautiful and multi-faceted as a diamond! At an individual level, it is simple enough for us to live convinced that “Jesus loves me, this I know.” At a corporate level, it becomes the foundation that forms and informs our life as a spiritual family. At a cosmic level, it is redemption that reaches as far as the curse is found. It is hard to even grasp the multiplicity of goodness found in the Good News. Q: Share a little bit about your family life now. What does a typical day look like in the Burkholder household? A: My wife Jenny is my high-school sweetheart! She brings joy and kindness wherever she goes. She’s the best listener I’ve ever met, and we love spending time together. We have three daughters. Isabella is ten, Olivia is seven, and Zoey is four. Each of the girls is unique and has taught us a lot in our process of following Jesus together. We like to go out on walks and go to the park together. Once a month I try to get some alone time with each of my daughters which usually includes bowling or trampolines. A typical day in the Burkholder house starts around 5:00am. Because of traffic here in Guatemala City, we have to leave early for school. After school, the girls come home to different activities - sometimes swimming class, sometimes piano lessons. Four or five nights a week we have dinner together where we usually talk about our high and low moments of the day. On weekends, we enjoy time together, playing outside, or watching sports together. Go Cubs and Go Buckeyes! Q: What are your interests and hobbies? If you have the day off, what are you likely to be up to? A: I enjoy physical activity, running, strength-training and following sports. I also love music and, truth be told, am a bit snobby about my taste in music! I also am a very curious person and love reading just about anything that passes through my hands. A day off is usually an opportunity for time with family. Jenny and I like to cook something interesting together on our days off. Often there is time for some reading and watching some type of athletic event. Q: How did God lead you to TEAM? A: My wife and I were working in the Chicago suburbs. I was a youth pastor and she was a Spanish teacher. When we got married, we had already sensed God’s direction to serve cross-culturally, but it was a matter of discerning when and where. There was a driving desire in me to see a church deeply love the Scriptures and at the same time, be deeply engaged in loving and serving their city and the most vulnerable among them. As God directed our paths, we visited a variety of places and made some friends in Guatemala who opened up the path for us to serve here. While we were exploring, we knew that the International Director of an organization called TEAM happened to go to our church, so I decided I should probably invite him out for breakfast - his name was Charlie Davis. Charlie was extremely thoughtful, passionate about disciple-making, and very gracious in creating space for us as we stepped into this endeavor. Charlie connected me with Steve Dresselhaus, a fellow TEAM global worker who was at that time serving as the Senior Director for the Americas. I cannot express the debt that I owe Steve. He walked closely with me in the transition, encouraged courageous thinking about the church and her role in society, and blasted open the doors for us to serve in Guatemala. After meeting Steve, we spent some days praying about joining TEAM. One thing I will never forget – one night during the process, I found myself wide awake in the middle of the night. A peace like I have seldom experienced passed over me confirming that we should join TEAM. There is no doubt in my mind that God tied all of these pieces together to bring us into the TEAM family and community. Q: What roles have you held in TEAM? What have been the milestones in those roles? A: The most important role I have held in TEAM is that of a global worker. God in His grace has allowed us to help plant two churches here in Guatemala, serve in leadership development, counseling, and discipleship. Our greatest joy has been found walking with those who are learning to follow Christ more deeply. I served as the Ministry Area Leader in Guatemala from 2016 to 2019. We helped to establish and lead this ministry area as it grew from just four global workers to over 15. I then served as Senior Director for Mexico and Central America from 2019 to 2021, Regional Executive Director for the Americas in 2021 and 2022, and then transitioned to the role of Executive Director of Global Ministry which I’ll continue in until the end of June. Q: What do you love most about being a part of TEAM? Why TEAM rather than other organizations or job opportunities? A: The TEAM community is full of people who have faithfully served God’s mission and have given up a lot to do so. It is a privilege to know many of our global workers and be counted among them. I am also fascinated by the fact that TEAM has existed now for more than 130 years! There is something to be said about the resilience and faithfulness of an organization that has continued to impact the world for so long. The rest of our conversation with Justin will be coming soon on blog! We’ll hear more about how God called Justin to the role of International Director, and what Justin sees for the next chapter in TEAM’s work in the global Church.
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